Any way to improve this proposal? (1 Viewer)

[Mr_Shrimp]

Hurro.
Right..well..
i actually handed in my proposal at the end of last year. But my history teacher lost it (grr..) so I have to print off another copy for him.
he did tell me however, that for the proposal I gave him, I would get 4/5, and he's allowed me to make changes (not that he would know anyway..) if I wish.

So, any ideas on how I could make this proposal any better to possibly get another mark?
It's not a huge thing but still... a mark is a mark

Thankyou all :wave:

 

[xeuyrawp]

That looks pretty good. I'll start with the broadest things:

When typing, you put spaces between your paragraphs and do not indent, eg:

The topic I have chosen to investigate is the Iran-Iraq war of 1980-88. Considering that this topic is quite broad I have chosen to limit my investigation to focus on the social, political and diplomatic reasons for the advent of the war and its subsequent international response and involvement. I will then analyse the effects of the war on Iran as a nation and more specifically, the Islamic revolution in the Middle East.

Historiographically this is an interesting topic. I intend to compare the perspectives of international historians and journalists as well as historians from the Middle East (if possible to obtain reliable source material).

not

............The topic I have chosen to investigate is the Iran-Iraq war of 1980-88. Considering that this topic is quite broad I have chosen to limit my investigation to focus on the social, political and diplomatic reasons for the advent of the war and its subsequent international response and involvement. I will then analyse the effects of the war on Iran as a nation and more specifically, the Islamic revolution in the Middle East.
............Historiographically this is an interesting topic. I intend to compare the perspectives of international historians and journalists as well as historians from the Middle East (if possible to obtain reliable source material).

It's just a lay-out thing, and I'd do it unless specified by your teacher.

Furthermore, dot points should have commas (as it's a list, not a fragmented bunch of sentences), the second last should be with 'and'. So:

§[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]The background to the Islamic revolution. Including background of Ayatollah Khomeini,
§[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]the hostage crisis of 1979. American citizens held hostage in embassy by Iranian terrorists,
§[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]the motives of Saddam Hussein when invading Iran,


...

 Dilip Hiro – Journalist and Writer – Has written an extensive account of the historical and political aspects of the war, and
§[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]Stephen R. Shalom – Professor, Political Science Department, William Paterson University, New Jersey – Has written a fairly controversial article regarding America’s involvement in the war.
I also intend to study periodicals from Time Magazine, New York Times etc.

Also, never put 'etc' in an essay of any kind, it's really frustrating and makes you sound too general.

Lastly on lay-out, justify your page (Ctrl+j), so it looks neat.

Your enquiry question 'Was the conflict historically justified?' should be worded 'how have different justifications for the war been forwarded? Do these stand up to the arguments against this war? How do the views of the war differ in different spheres of society and the media?'' Because you could otherwise get really carried away in bogus anti-war crap.

 

[Mr_Shrimp]

Thanks PwarYuex.

I've gone and made those changes.

 

[xeuyrawp]

Thanks PwarYuex.

I've gone and made those changes.

Awesome. A good rule is to preferably be smart. If you can't be smart, you should sound smart. Changing your enquiry questions so they're more sophisticated will help you out a lot.