Essay feedback (1 Viewer)

[sychikmoron]

Hey people,

I've just finished an practice essay on Imaginative Journey from the 2004 HSC paper and I would like some feedback please. It took me 42 minutes to write this so I say I was within time limit. Be honest and tell me what's wrong with it and how I can improve it, and please give me a mark out of 15 and tell me why you gave that mark. Thankyou!

 

[l-mercedes-l]

feedback

Hey im not sure how helpful i can be but ill try!

Overall i think its really good. I like the way you've managed to get heaps of txtual knowledge into a few lines. i think probably 10-12/15 because its quite thorough

The thing that gets me is the paragraph structure because where youre still talking about the same pt it should be the same paragraph or if u want to use a new one use a joining word... Similarly, likewise,consequently etc. I just like things to lead me through the essay and i find it confusing when it stops and then starts up about the same point again!

I didnt study any of the texts your using so im not sure about the textualy knowledge but it seems right. It seems that your talking about them separatley and the key thesis was a little bit flimsy but im saying that knowing that i do exactly the same thing and struggle with it too. im not sure that made sense but its like your thesis seems to change a litle and u end up arguing sometihng slightly different to what u started with. read over it again, you might disagree with me.

But you should be proud of your self, over all its really good under time pressure. youve motivated me to go back and retry that q too!

(hope that helped a little)

-Mercedes