PiP help please (1 Viewer)

[babii-boo]

Ive deadset change my pip 5 times, i lack motavation so makin a pip that im intersted in is highest priority. Ive decided (so far) on

"The Maori Culture is not practiced as frequently in Australia by the Maori people when compared to Lebanese residents in Australia and their culture because Lebanese immigrants accumulate together in specific areas, whereas Maori people do not."

I think it soundz kinda boring.. or maybe itz been done to death.. im not sure.. im happy to do it.. some feedback would be muchly appreciated.. maybe on how to better word it or maybea different spin... lol my proposal is due tomora but hey feedbak will help wenever u give it... thank u

 

[Kulazzi]

the heading is pretty long, I think maybe just have this as your heading

"The Maori Culture is not practiced as frequently in Australia by the Maori people when compared to Lebanese residents in Australia and their culture"

and then this as your proposed hypothesis:

"The Maori Culture is not practiced as frequently in Australia by the Maori people when compared to Lebanese residents in Australia and their culture because Lebanese immigrants accumulate together in specific areas, whereas Maori people do not."

cos you're explaining why and expanding on the heading

or maybe a heading like this:

The Maori culture is not frequently practiced in Australia by the Maoris (sp?) in contrast to the Lebanese living in Australia.

and then say b/c the Lebanese...........blah blah blah, also I don't think you should say immigrants unless you're specifically targeting the immigrants (which I don't think you are, please correct me if I'm wrong).