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Please rate my answer for Legal Studies? (3 Viewers)

enoilgam

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I remember I had this question on my HSC and I kind of freaked when I saw it, because I didnt really go over this point of the syllabus much in my revision. But the question is actually quite simple if you know your stuff. I would probably address these issues in my answer:

Security classification/protective custody - its important because it ensures that violent offenders arent placed with new and less violent inmates, thus ensuring safety within the prison system. Similarly, protective custody is needed to ensure the safety of at risk inmates such as informants, ex-police officers and etc.

Parole - Important because it provides offenders who have shown remorse and signs of rehabilitation the chance to be set free early. Also acts as an incentive for good behaviour within prisons

Sex offender registration - Important because it protects the community from these offenders, who pose a continual threat to society even upon release. This is an important point to add to your answer, because its a contemporary legal issue, which is what markers want to see.

Make sure you support your answer with cases/media reports/legislation. A good case to use for sex offender registration is the Dennis ferguson case (this is the one I used on my HSC).
 
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Phoebe 123

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Just another question; in the HSC exam, do they tell you the essay questions? If not, then how would you know what cases and legislation to use? You would be totally unprepared. Do they at least tell you a few questions that they might ask so you can prepare for all of them? I am in Year 11, btw. Don't want to wait until Year 12 to know all of this stuff.
 
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enoilgam

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Just another question; in the HSC exam, do they tell you the essay questions? If not, then how would you know what cases and legislation to use? You would be totally unprepared. Do they at least tell you a few questions that they might ask so you can prepare for all of them? I am in Year 11, btw. Don't want to wait until Year 12 to know all of this stuff.
No, they do not tell you any of the questions before hand, nor do they give you any hints. The HSC questions can cover any part of the syllabus.
 

Phoebe 123

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So then how would you use know which cases/legisation to use because for every question it is different.
 

enoilgam

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With legislation, its not that hard to memorise, as there arent that many Act's for each topic. With cases I often made up them up on the day of the exam, as it was easier to devise a case which fit each question and my argument. My Legal teacher (Senior HSC Legal Marker with 15+ years experience) told me that this was ok so long as the cases fit within established legal principles. He said the aim of the Legal Course was not to memorise enourmous amounts of content, but to apply our knowledge to analyse the legal system. He also said that teachers would not be able to pick up on this if the made up case represented the law, as the markers take between 30 seconds to 3 minutes to mark each essay.

Also, he said that the sheer amount of caselaw on a particular topic made it even more difficult to detect a fake case. As such, in my final HSC exam, all the cases I used were made up, as were my media reports. However, I did not make up legislation, because it was too easy for the markers to detect. The top three in my legal class all used this strategy and we all got band 6's in the subject (the top guy got 96).
 

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So, you can make it up? Okay, that sounds easy then.

Would you mind marking this answer of mine.

Question is "Examine why commitment to criminal laws is not shown equally across the community, using relevant examples." Mark it out of 8.

This is my answer

There are an number of reasons why people feel obliged to go against the law. These include:

Self-interest; For example, if you are someone in poverty, is unemployed, can't find a job, and come from an poor family background, you may be pushed to have no other choice than to rob an bank and steal money having no regard of the consequences that will arise, and having no regard to breaking the law. This is because you are left thinking you don't have any other choice, you are desperate for money and there is no other easy way. You are looking out for your own self-interest, your own benefits. Another example could include that if someone really hurt you or your family or your property, you would feel pushed to retaliate against them and hurt them back. The defense is that you were pushed emotionally into doing what you did, you were looking for revenge and retribution. Again, your own needs and wants motivated you into commiting a crime.

Social - Factors such as upbringing/attitude towards the law play an huge part in why people don't commit to the law. There are plenty of criminals who grew up in a family full of criminals, and were told and advised that it was "okay" to break the law as in, the law doesn't matter, and this affected their attitude towards the law. Because of a lack of educational programs to educate them about the law, and being surrounded by criminal behaviour, they have adopted it too. Others lack social conscience, don't care about the law and the penalties or how it harms society and individuals.

Inexperience - Young people and rebellious teenagers often find themselves in trouble as they haven't been educated/aren't aware of the consequences of their actions, again this is due to a lack of upbringing, lack of educational resources in schools and at home not educating students about the law which is why there are a lot of teenagers who get into trouble with the law, because of a lack of experience, a lack of what is being told of what is right/wrong.

Power, greed, etc - People are driven to commit crimes as it can be seen as an easy way to power, greed and wealth.


How can I improve on this?
 

enoilgam

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Techically, you're not meant to make them up, but I find it to be the most effective method of dealing with cases. Just remember to make sure they reflect accurate law and they are reasonable (ie the facts of the case arent ridiculous).

For your response, there are several issues. First, you need to use relevant examples, such as media reports, cases etc. You cannot invent a hypothetical scenario and use it as an example. Second, you shouldnt list the different points ie, instead of just saying "inexperience:", you need to be saying "Another key reason why commitment to criminal laws is not equally distributed amongst the community is due to inexperience." Also the way it is written isnt as strong as it should be. Some sentences are overly long and you use language which is informal ie "a lot", "really hurt" etc. You also repeat words too many times in the same sentences and consecutive sentences, which affects the overall quality of the work. However, content wise it isnt too bad, you have covered the major syllabus points and have gone into some detail. So i'll say 4/8.

The mistakes you are making in both responses relate more to the way in which you convey your ideas rather than your knowledge of the content. This is probably the most common problem which HSC students have with humanities subjects.
 
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Phoebe 123

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My main worry is my handwriting skills, while I can type an answer like that with ease, it is a lot more difficult on a peice of paper. I wish there was an an option were you could type them up. So the main way I can improve is to illustrate my answer with cases and media reports. So for example, can I say (This is a made up case)

"In the case of 1992 Dr. Louis in Sydney, Australia was convincted of murdering his neighbour's wife shortly after his neighbour had been charged with drink driving and running down his teenage daughter, Dr. Louis was acting in retalliation and in revenge, disregarding the law and the consequences.

Is that ok or are the ideas a bit "unrealistic?"
 

enoilgam

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My main worry is my handwriting skills, while I can type an answer like that with ease, it is a lot more difficult on a peice of paper. I wish there was an an option were you could type them up. So the main way I can improve is to illustrate my answer with cases and media reports. So for example, can I say (This is a made up case)

"In the case of 1992 Dr. Louis in Sydney, Australia was convincted of murdering his neighbour's wife shortly after his neighbour had been charged with drink driving and running down his teenage daughter, Dr. Louis was acting in retalliation and in revenge, disregarding the law and the consequences.

Is that ok or are the ideas a bit "unrealistic?"
You need to make it sound a little more believable, kind of like this:

"This point can clearly be seen in the case of "R v Louis (1992)". In this case, a man was convincted of murdering his neighbour's wife shortly after she had been charged with drink driving and running down his teenage daughter. This case demonstrates how individuals can disregard the law for self interest, as the defendant, who had no criminal record prior to this incident, decided to commit a violent crime in the pursuit of revenge and retribution"
 

Phoebe 123

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OK, hopefully by HSC time, I will be able to fix all these little things I keep on forgetting.

But what do you think about my writing so far? What is your main advice for me to focus on to improve?
 

enoilgam

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OK, hopefully by HSC time, I will be able to fix all these little things I keep on forgetting.

But what do you think about my writing so far? What is your main advice for me to focus on to improve?
Content wise, what you have produced is pretty good considering you havent started HSC work yet. But the way you present your knowledge is lacking, which is very common. These are your main issues:

Analysis: You have a tendency to describe a topic when a question asks you to analyse the topic. Analysis can include the following: discussing the positives and negatives of a topic, cause and effect, effectiveness of the legal system etc

Grammar: Your grammar is a bit lacking in some areas. Whilst they cant mark you down directly for grammar errors, you will notice in the marking criteria for band 6 it states "Uses a sophisticated writing style". If your grammar is poor, then your writing cannot be declared sophisticated if that makes sense.

Expression: The way you say things needs work. You need to be more formal in your writing ie "dont use terms like "a lot", "really hurt" etc. Keep your sentences short and sharp, 35-40 word sentences are pushing it, anything over 40 is way to much.

Structure: Your structure is good, as I can see exactly what your talking about and in which paragraphs, but you need to use topic/linking sentences more. So for the second question a topic sentence for each para might sound like this "Another key reason why commitment to criminal laws is not equally distributed amongst the community is due to inexperience." A linking sentence, which goes at the end of a paragraph, should link you response back to the question. They usually sound like this "Hence, this clearly demonstrates another key reason why commitment to criminal laws is not equally distributed amongst the community." Using topic/linking sentences is really important and it can take you from a band 5 level response straight to a band 6. My mate last year got 18/25 on his legal essays in the trials and the teacher told him that if he had of put such sentences into his responses, he would have 22-23 instead.

Dont get thrown off by these criticisms, they are relatively common amongst students in humanities subjects. Also, they are very much correctable since you are in year 11 - if your HSC was this year than you should be much more worried.
 
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Phoebe 123

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So it is not nessecary to go into heaps of detail, but just to make sure that you are answering the question? So approx how many words should a 6 marker be? Or a 4 marker? So, for example in a very simple question "Outline two different parties to a crime." This is my answer.

Principle in the first degree (person who commited the crime eg. robbed a bank) and the Principal in the second degree (person who helped/assisted the criminal in robbing the bank.)

I didn't go into much detail because it wasn't needed as it was only an 2 marker. Was it nessecary to use an example like I did in the brackets? It just said "Name two parties to a crime."
 
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Phoebe 123

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Also, I have realized that they have changed the format for Legal this year; as instead of Law and Society, there are now 15 crime MC, and 5 on human rights, then long/short responses on human rights, followed by a 15 mark crime essay and then the option essays. I saw this from the specimen paper, since they have made this change, is there any reason for me to look at/revise notes for Law and Society? I am actually very happy that they changed the format, I found the MC questions for Law and Society quite hard and sometimes there could have been more than answer, making the MC on crime is much more straightforward. To be honest, I hated Year 11 Legal; Year 12 course is far more interesting and easy, I can just say that just by looking at the syllabus, also I have this site called "HSC Online" which covers every dot point in the syllabus for some subjects, and that is why my knowledge is so strong.
 
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enoilgam

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Also, I have realized that they have changed the format for Legal this year; as instead of Law and Society, there are now 15 crime MC, and 5 on human rights, then long/short responses on human rights, followed by a 15 mark crime essay and then the option essays. I saw this from the specimen paper, since they have made this change, is there any reason for me to look at/revise notes for Law and Society? I am actually very happy that they changed the format, I found the MC questions for Law and Society quite hard and sometimes there could have been more than answer, making the MC on crime is much more straightforward. To be honest, I hated Year 11 Legal; Year 12 course is far more interesting and easy, I can just say that just by looking at the syllabus, also I have this site called "HSC Online" which covers every dot point in the syllabus for some subjects, and that is why my knowledge is so strong.
I wouldnt bother with law and society if its no longer on the syllabus or tested in the final exam.
 

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Okay, so I just made a 1000+ word essay on "How do the types of penalties available achieve justice for society, individuals and the offender. Give me a grade out of 15.

The types of penalties that are imposed on people who have been accused of committing a crime in the Australian legal system include Imprisonment, Caution, No Conviction Recorded, Bond, Suspended Sentence, Probation, Criminal Infringement Notice, Penalty Units, Community Service Orders, Home Detention, Periodic Detention, Intensive Correction Order, Forfeiture of assets, and finally, Diversionary Programs. All of these penalties are controversial in some way; some actually help the offender while other’s direct result is to punish the offender in the most efficient way possible to achieve justice.
Generally, imprisonment is seen as the most effective way of dealing with criminals as it ensures justice, and prevents the offender from committing any other wrong doing. The victims and community can ensure that they will be safe for an extend period of time, and when the criminal does get out, their crime will go on their criminal record and that affects their chances of going further in life; seeking a career, job, etc. This can be seen as further retribution and payback for their crime, therefore ensuring justice and assuring that “Doesn’t matter when you get out of prison, your crime will haunt you for the rest of your life.” Imprisonment causes scars that can’t be erased, and in some instances it is looked at as harsher sentence than death. In the case of R vs. Mr. Thompson (1993) Mr. Thompson was accused of raping an 18 year old girl who was a virgin. He was sentenced to 15 years in prison; his crime went on his criminal record. He died in Prison after 13 years at the age of 58. This proves the point that imprisonment is the harshest penalty a court can impose on an offender, and imprisonment can deteriorate the health and life expectancy of an offender. While the Crimes Act 1900 and other legislation such as Drug Misuse and Trafficking Act 1985 prescribe the maximum sentence for certain offences, it is up to the judge/magistrate to decide the weight of which they choose to sentence an offender. In some instances, they may issue a Non-Parole sentence. Parole is where the offender may be released prior to the date their imprisonment sentence on the condition of good behavior which needs to continue out of prison. The Crimes Act 1999 states that it must be after three terms have been served, unless exceptional circumstances exist. The main advantages of imprisonment is that it removes the offender from society, and society will be able to rest assured and live in peace if someone harmful is locked away. However, it is expensive. The daily cost of inmates ranges from $140 to $225 a day. This depends on the level of security. Relevant media reports such as “Countryman arrested for murder” published on 16th December 2002 and “Man sentenced to 20 years for sexual assault” show the extent to how imprisonment is viewed under media scrutiny. Overall, imprisonment’s main aim is to offer the harshest penalty (except of capital punishment, which is no longer available in Australia) to offenders. Imprisonment assures security and safety for society from criminals, and achieves retribution and justice.
Home Detention is similar to imprisonment, except that it requires the offender to stay at home instead of prison for a sentence, usually up to 18 months, and they are monitored by an electronic device strapped on their leg, and if they are caught going outside their home, they are usually issued a warning. If it happens again, they are arrested and taken to court. Relevant Legislation is the Home Detention Act 1996 (NSW). Offenders who have work or is a student in an educational institution must work from home. Main effects of Home Detention on the offenders lack of socialization, lack of physical activity. There are several cases in which Home Detention was used as an effective method of achieving justice; in the case of R vs. Olivia 2002 (NSW) an Year 12 student hit her Chemistry teacher with an bat (damages involved teacher’s head, eyes, legs) and was taken to court, the judge agreed to leniency given the circumstances that the student was facing, and instead sentenced her to 12 months of home detention. Home Detention is effective because it can get the offender to consider that they should be grateful that they weren’t sentenced to a much longer sentence in prison, and look at it a second chance and not commit a wrong doing again. Other relevant cases may include R vs. Jake (2003), R. vs. Jonathan (2006) and R vs. Michelle (1982.)
Other penalties include community service. This requires the offender to perform work in the community with the idea to make up for the crime, to repay society for their crime. For this penalty, no more than 500 hours in community service can be issued by the court. This punishment is effective as it helps the community and it can help the offender find a perspective that it much more likable to help society/community rather than commit crimes. Relevant cases where offenders have been issued community service and have realized what it is like to contribute to society include R vs. Paul (2004) Paul was convicted of assault and was sentencing to 400 hours of community service and a similar case was R vs. Anderson (1962) Anderson was charged with theft and sentenced to 300 hours of community services.
Other effective ways of achieving justice is Penalty Units. In our cotemporary society today, money plays a huge part in our road to greed and wealth. Our whole society is reliant on money. It is usually around $110 however it varies on the severity of the offense and other factors. Fines, which in a world so full of money and its importance can be seen as an huge angst to offenders because a whole bunch of offenders commit crimes because it can be seen as an easy way to money and wealth and greed. There are several circumstances and cases where people commit crimes to get access to money. Other penalties are cautions, criminal infringement notices where police issues cautions and warnings and fines to minor offences. These cautions and warnings are effective because they are usually for first-time offenders or young people who aren’t aware of the law, with a warning/caution they will know the consequences and will be more careful. Teenagers getting in trouble with the law are very contemporary issues today.
Other penalties which work in the offenders favor are things such as suspended sentences, parole, bond, and no conviction recorded, however these are only applicable on conditions, and factors on the severity of the crime and the occurrence of the crime, or for first time offenders. These are effective because they can help offenders who are willing to apply themselves to good behavior bond for a set period of time, and it gives them some rights and leniency however it is not applicable for all.
Overall, our criminal justice system has areas where it could improve in tracking down offenders and crimes, and strong points too. The penalties that are in place are there to ensure a fair outcome for all parties involved.
 
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enoilgam

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This answer is an improvement on your last two responses, in that you discuss the question more. However, there are some things which you need to fix

Language: Has improved, but you still use some informal language in some areas.

Cases/media reports/legislation: Whilst you have more, you cannot merely list them. You must explain what they mean in the context of your argument. Also, Thompsons case isnt a good fit because you dont really know what caused his death.

What is being discussed: You listed all the punishments available in paragraph one, but you should pick 3 or 4 and keep your answer focused on them. Also, for your bit on imprisonment, you could have looked at the negatives more ie it doesnt reduce recidivism etc. However, you mentioned the cost which is one negative.

So overall, I'd give this a 10 out of 15. Whilst it discusses all the key points well, there are some improvements which need to be made if you want to get band 6 range (12-15)
 

Phoebe 123

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I got some info from an website like the cost, and the penalties.

Btw, how well does Legal Studies scale? If I get 80 raw mark in the externals, is that okay or will I get scaled down?
 

enoilgam

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I got some info from an website like the cost, and the penalties.

Btw, how well does Legal Studies scale? If I get 80 raw mark in the externals, is that okay or will I get scaled down?
A raw mark of 80 in the externals will align to a final external mark of about 86-88. To get an external band 6 in legal, you need a raw mark of about 83-84. However, these raw marks can change significantly from year to year. As for its scaling, legal studies is average.
 

Phoebe 123

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What do you think I will score externally next year if I work on the things you said? I'm just curious to see what kind of impression I give you. I also want to know where I stand exactly.
 

enoilgam

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At the moment, I reakon you would get around 83ish. Whilst you seem to have the knowledge of a band 6 student, the way you present your knowledge needs work if you are to get 90+ in legal. Remember, with humanities subjects, its not about what you know, its about how you apply the knowledge. However, your work ethic seems to be very strong since your actively attempting HSC questions despite still being in year 11. If you were to work on the things I said, you will the probably be headed into the high band 5/band 6 territory.

Dont be too disheartened by my criticisms, I remember at the start of year 11 essay/extended response writing was my weakest area by far, but by the end of year 12 and still now, it has become my strongest point. You have more than enough time to work on your writing, which is not that bad at the moment.
 

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