dangerouss
cindy is such a bitch
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2013
- Messages
- 1,239
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- HSC
- 2015
Feedback is very explicit and clearly suggests the weaker parts of the essay whilst highlighting the stronger ones. I'm sure you can get that rank one for modern ! Keep at itThis was her critique in at the end:
At the moment this essay would probably receive a mark in the B-range, i.e. 17-20 out of 25. You might have to write more when it comes to examinations in your HSC year since usually essays in Modern History should be somewhere between 1000 and 1200 words. With that said, shorter essays can achieve higher marks, but they need to be really well written and you have some issues with expression here. This is problematic because it hinders your ability to get your point across and arguments, including structure, should be as clear and succinct as possible.
I would make the suggestion that you start off with the argument most significant in answering the question, which seemed to be in fact your last paragraph, being Russia’s involvement in WWII. Lastly, be careful about using long quotes. You should be more selective with them, or in other words ensure they need to emphasise your point rather quickly. Writing long quotes in an examination can take up time and also possibly become dreary for the marker to read. Nonetheless, there is certainly potential here. Good luck, you have a lot of time to improve!