and we're DONE! (1 Viewer)

[glitterfairy]

Reverted back to childhood and started sucking on his toes, feeling an overwhelming compulsion to do something until he could think of something better to do. Which turned out to be...

 

[Hippy La-Laa]

....attending a full-on 70's disco party. In preparation for the disco he applied lots of sparkles and glitter and even found his vintage bellbottoms from 1977!! As he entered the hall, the facets of the disco ball reflected a glorious spectrum of colours.... With the disco-synths echoing through the room and the strobe lights flickering, it was then that John was offered...

 

[pitted]

A D-I-Y manucure set by a mysterious woman named Jan Doe. Entranced and enticed he asked her to the 70s disco party – mainly coz he knew he had nothing to lose and realised that since he was the main character he would (naturally) get the girl.

 

[400miles]

But in an annoying twist of fate (or twists of fate - they never seem to stop with poor John), John found out he was actually not the main character (and, naturally, wouldn't get the girl), and this whole story had been preparation for the audience who were now to meet their main character JACK.

 

[jhakka]

Of course, his name was pronounced "Jack", but his parents wanted to be individuals and alter the spelling slightly and replace the J with a G.

So Gack walked into the room and chuckled at John's confidnece in his status as main character before striking him down with his long, smooth lance, standing over him and...

 

[Llyrai]

...called for the 70's disco babes to come along. "Take this poor foil out of our dancefloor! I need not some pathetic, unsustainable character to contrast against my over-the-top ego! A-HA-HA-HA!"

The 80's ageing disco mothers (yes, they aged. Its Bloody Post modern now, alrighHT! Y? kAuse i FArKing Says sO!....bitc-) took John away, draging him through by his under-flaired white pants. Gack called over to them, "Take him to my Hiroshima suit...i dont want the Romantics to find him."

 

[Fire_Hydra]

...called for the 70's disco babes to come along. "Take this poor foil out of our dancefloor! I need not some pathetic, unsustainable character to contrast against my over-the-top ego! A-HA-HA-HA!"

The 80's ageing disco mothers (yes, they aged. Its Bloody Post modern now, alrighHT! Y? kAuse i FArKing Says sO!....bitc-) took John away, draging him through by his under-flaired white pants. Gack called over to them, "Take him to my Hiroshima suit...i dont want the Romantics to find him."

And Gack being Gack thought he was all-that-an-a-bagofpotatochips.....

that was until......
Jane Doe strolled her liberated and slightly feministic self into the room and beat Gack to the ground with her index fingernail - (not even breakin a sweat...).
A crowd gathered, for the sole purpose of marveling at the awesomeness of Hydra's (*ahem*) i mean Jane Doe's strength and intellegence.

She smiled to herself - proud of not only being the MAIN main character, now that Gack and whats-his-face were out of the picture
but of also being the - female-main-character-who-DOES-NOT-get-her-gear-off-OR-become-but-a-mere-skanky-airhead-love-interest-to-some-bond-wannabe-in-tacky-white-bellbottoms...

However, while baskin in this important moment for female characters every where, she was caught offguard by...

 

[400miles]

... a bond wannabe in tacky white bellbottoms....

instantly she became a female-main-character-who-DOES-get-all-her-gear-off.
'Well isn't that the cat's meow,' said Horo.

Who's Horo you ask?

Well he's the...

 

[glitterfairy]

typical sleazy director who sits out the front ordering the women to put on more makeup and less clothes.

But Mary Do-dad (actress playing Jane Doe) stamped one of her Manalo-Blahnik shod feet and refused bow to his whims. Taking a pair of scissors from the costumier (the manicure scissors were fake and thus couldn't be used) and raced over to the costume department, where she...

 

[Fire_Hydra]

typical sleazy director who sits out the front ordering the women to put on more makeup and less clothes.

But Mary Do-dad (actress playing Jane Doe) stamped one of her Manalo-Blahnik shod feet and refused bow to his whims. Taking a pair of scissors from the costumier (the manicure scissors were fake and thus couldn't be used) and raced over to the costume department, where she...

stabbed Gack, what-his-face.....and the horo guy (who followed her to the costume department in order to cash in on her "other talents")......and they died........until they were dead.

Once again Jane Doe/Mary Do-dad reigned supreme as the
- female-main-character-who-DOES-NOT-get-her-gear-off-OR-become-but-a-mere-skanky-airhead-love-interest-to-some-bond-wannabe-in-tacky-white-bellbottoms...

Jane doe/ Mary do-dad then pulled on her awesome looking superhero costume and blasted through the roof - off on another adventure (far removed from the current one which was getting boring...)

She flew low to the ground and spotted a....

 

[Llyrai]

...little sleazy punk in imitation industrie clothes that were, as she notice (somehow), not his. So she placed her middle foot down on the ground, in effect halting her speedy low orbit flight.

Jane Doe stopped the punk with a fry pan in her left, and a sewing kit in her right. "Return those clothes to the rightful owner!"

With a feeble attempt at a defense, the punk boy mumbled something, but was cut off by Jane. "Pfft! another male pig. You punks dont know what you're messin' with!" She flicked her hair, pantene style. "You need to think outside the circle!" and she tossed the boy a Venus tripple blade razor. "Use it, gilliet is the best."

And she was gone, the boy staring at her flight in awe. A stream of gillet flyers drifting down like snow. "...buy one get one free..." the boy read...

 

[pitted]

...and Jan Doe was off on another wacky adventure - just like a certain yellow skinned family- but, of course, farrr more sophiticated - and banal - than THAT show could ever be.

so after using her amunition Jan Doe realised that something was wrong. perhaps it was the fact that she felt so naked without her sewing kit and fry pan. or perhaps it was that gilliet is not the best and she just ruined the rest of that punks life. or was it the fact that she realised she truly was naked but all of her nuddy bits had been censored by strict Australian censors who wouldnt even let European porn in without having a gander...

 

[Enlightened_One]

Of course, his name was pronounced "Jack", but his parents wanted to be individuals and alter the spelling slightly and replace the J with a G.

So Gack walked into the room and chuckled at John's confidnece in his status as main character before striking him down with his long, smooth lance, standing over him and...

And proclaiming. "You've served your purpose in this story John. Most people believe it's time you stepped aside for a newer, more modern character in touch with his feminine side and such a cliche of old stereostypes."
John leaped to his feet, in a strange Bruce Lee style stunt and, giving off his psychotic stare, stated. "No matter how much people try to invent new characters there is always a resonant of the old, the sterotypical or the cliched, just as my current author is failing to avoid."
Gack, being a modern day metrosexual, dropped the purse he was carrying and slipped off his shirt revealing a pudgy, beer besotten gut. "Then I might as well return to my old stereotypical macho sexist blokey ways and forget this new tren shit."
With that Gack widened his stance and withdrew a light sabre, igniting it. "Since this has all been revealed to be a case of poor parody or bad satire, let us finish this."
John nodded and flicked his own light sabre, pressing the big red button marked on. Two blades, one red and the other blue sliced through the air and met in a storm of sparks....

 

[glitterfairy]

...and Jan Doe was off on another wacky adventure - just like a certain yellow skinned family- but, of course, farrr more sophiticated - and banal - than THAT show could ever be.

so after using her amunition Jan Doe realised that something was wrong. perhaps it was the fact that she felt so naked without her sewing kit and fry pan. or perhaps it was that gilliet is not the best and she just ruined the rest of that punks life. or was it the fact that she realised she truly was naked but all of her nuddy bits had been censored by strict Australian censors who wouldnt even let European porn in without having a gander...

But then the makers of THE SIMS spotted her in the sky, and thought, "That's the way our characters should look!"

They instantly put a halt to "The Sims - Hot Date" expansion packs to do a remake on all the characters as they just weren't good-looking enough. This wasn't so much an issue in China, where most things are counterfeited anyway, but it was a huge loss in America, with people crying out, "OH MY GOD! WHAT A LOSS! A TERRIBLE LOSS!"

In response to this, Bush decided to call it "September 12th" in a bid to create popularity/sympathy votes, even though it wasn't September the 12th yet. This created an as-yet-unheard-of double rememberance day as the Americans were forced to mourn for not one, but two days. The people responded by...

 

[Llyrai]

...re-electing Bush as their president, a staggering and mis-guided 99% Bush against a competitor whose name was forbidden to be published by the Bush "administration" and in no way, impossibly, definantly not, dictatorship.

Quickly, a blackmarket emerged with new contriban. It wasnt weapons of mass destruction as the world had seen, nor cant-be-beat NSW board of studies syllabus' that have been circulating. It was in fact conterfiet 'The Sims.' However, naturally along with Mike and KC, the chinese had renamed in the 'The Xaios' hoping no one would tell the difference.

Unknowingly, parents purchased this good for their children, and soon the trend spread. 'The Xaio's' was the authentic, there never was this crazy business of 'the sims.' As children all over the world played the game, subliminal messages appeared through the game, which directed the kids aged 5-34 to...

 

[glitterfairy]

...start acting in an incredibly odd fashion. Young men and women of all ages clung to rooftops and tried to re-enact the famous "tower-climbing scene" in King Kong, but this failed when everyone refused to play Fay Wray's role, which involved way too much effort on their behalf. Screaming could get you booked by the "sound effects" police. Grunting was much more in vogue.

Some time later, a rough hierarchy had been developed, but there was still one last battle to go - who would be King (or Queen) of the Apes?

A strangely familiar, lone soul on the outskirts of the descecrated city looked down upon the re-invention of man (and woman) and sighed. The entire thing looked like a counterfeited American summer blockbuster movie, crossed with a...

 

[pitted]

...start acting in an incredibly odd fashion. Young men and women of all ages clung to rooftops and tried to re-enact the famous "tower-climbing scene" in King Kong, but this failed when everyone refused to play Fay Wray's role, which involved way too much effort on their behalf. Screaming could get you booked by the "sound effects" police. Grunting was much more in vogue.

Some time later, a rough hierarchy had been developed, but there was still one last battle to go - who would be King (or Queen) of the Apes?

A strangely familiar, lone soul on the outskirts of the descecrated city looked down upon the re-invention of man (and woman) and sighed. The entire thing looked like a counterfeited American summer blockbuster movie, crossed with a...

EE2 students’ (yes multiple) imaginations. All in all it was a tragic situation. And with bush re-elected – will the general public ever learn? Ah probably not, we’d all be better if we blindly followed our leaders…but Jan Doe would have none of that political talk and soon ended it before it really began.

So faced with a desecrated city Jan Doe took the easy option and flew away.

Now that THAT city is behind her Jan flies – paradoxically covered with posters depicting naked women and covering her naked body, but what are u going to do about that? – Jan flies but after a near miss with a boeing 747 she realises she isn’t being fair to the normal folk, so she decides to walk. (of course no one would admit that the boeing 747 was actually stalking her – she was not a victim! She just thought walking was healthier – and quite a bit safer) or so she thought…

 

[400miles]

... and thought and thought. Then thought, 'God, I'm thinking to much.' So she surgically removed her own brains and is now dead.
Having no characters the story came to a halt and responders were given only the imagery of a dead Jane Doe to ponder endlessly whilst they waited for another EE2 student to correct the problem...

 

[zhongie]

...smote him with his rod. Gack smote him good.

Then he went out, head constantly turning, to choose one of the innumberable Starbucks that had sprung like poppies in a war field...

 

[co+ca]

...smote him with his rod. Gack smote him good.

Then he went out, head constantly turning, to choose one of the innumberable Starbucks that had sprung like poppies in a war field...

when he had chosen said cafe, he decided after ordering a tall soy mocha latte decaf, that he was indeed unimpressed with the abundance of american owned chains. he therefore decided the best course of action would be a polite letter to the author(s) of this story, asking them to eradicate all american merchandise, peoples and chain stores from this humble little tale. this letter read: