Are they real friends? (1 Viewer)

[chelsea girl]

And then you find yourself with no friends cause every's a cunt in their own special ways.

of course everyone has their flaws and intrinsic tendecies to judge, but i'd hope that whomever anyone chooses to share a close friendship with would not have indulge in those flaws at the expense of their friends.
my friends can be horrible about other people, but i know and trust that they'd never be horrible about me, and that they will always be there to support me when i need it. i wouldn't settle for anything less because, quite frankly, i can't see how any friendship without an unspoken moral code of that sort could possibly be balanced.

 

[chicky_pie]

If you have friends that talk shit about you behind you in a negative way, giving other people who may not know you personally, a fake idea of how you really are, is not real friends. Everyone back stabs each other, it's part of life and friendship, this is why I tend to have more male friends than female friends, the sheer bitchiness in girl talk turns me off having any more female friends.

 

[4unitfreak]

They're shit, and someone has to tell them they're shit.

 

[GreenLeaf]

Do you constantly make negative jokes about yourself in front of other people? conciously or subconciously?
Because that could be a reason your friends don't respect you and find it funny to laugh at your expense.

If you don't respect yourself, how can you expect other people to respect you? Hold some dignity and stand up for yourself.

 

[sca]

Is this a real poll, or a covert means of whinging about the way one of your social circles has been acting? (toward you?)


Assuming it's a real question, then I think in Australian society putting down your friends as a token of affection is a part of our culture.


That said, there's still a huge difference between joking around and bullying.

I don't mind if my mates joke about more superficial things that even I find funny about myself (i.e. I use my hands a lot when I talk, even on the phone... or that time I walked into a glass wall), however if they were to socially exclude me from something I would be offended and question the strength of our relationship.

If they were to bitch about something I didn't do, or was understood to be an accident, I would be offended, however if I had legitimately done something wrong by somebody I'd take the comments in my stride.

So it depends.


I do however think that your friends should stick up for you, tell you to your face if they seriously diagreed with a part of your behaviour and wouldn't joke about your serious personal grievences.

(On the "abnormality" though, what's wrong with being quirky anyway? Your friends thinking your abnormal could be a pretty moot point affection wise).


=> Jess

 

[hiphophooray123]

"Is this a real poll, or a covert means of whinging about the way one of your social circles has been acting? (toward you?)"


both. i always find peoples (not just mine) friendships are always flakey when their backs are turned, to me, im shocked at how people don't stick up for their friends, but people always indicate to me that its normal. its one of the things i get very confused about.

 

[Tulipa]

of course everyone has their flaws and intrinsic tendecies to judge, but i'd hope that whomever anyone chooses to share a close friendship with would not have indulge in those flaws at the expense of their friends.
my friends can be horrible about other people, but i know and trust that they'd never be horrible about me, and that they will always be there to support me when i need it. i wouldn't settle for anything less because, quite frankly, i can't see how any friendship without an unspoken moral code of that sort could possibly be balanced.

That's me.

Sometimes you have to employ the whole "tough love" crap when it comes to your friends if they're doing really stupid things and refusing to listen to reason. You can't coddle them all the time.

Although, if they're making fun of you for the sake of it (which is how it sounds right now) that's pretty shit and just uncalled for. I wouldn't confront them because tbh it sounds like they'd just give you more shit.

 

[hiphophooray123]

yeah confronting, complaining or even acknowledging it leads to way more ridicule, not necessarily from these hs friends who inspired this thread, but a few of my other friends. i hope the 2nd option wins, otherwise it means i only have like 3 real friends

 

[Tulipa]

How exactly will you make them grow up and show respect though?

 

[boris]

smack my bitch up!

 

[minijumbuk]

Depends on how far they take it. Being teased in a friendly way is acceptable up to a certain level. A good friend should know where that level is.

 

[Atonofrash]

but also, if your friend is just being a douchebag you may want to get it off your chest without hurting them. I know I have friends who I like but they just shit me. And people may talk behind people's backs because they know that their friend won't change so it's no use confronting them about it.

I mean if they just start being nasty then your time with them just won't be fun so don't hang out with them

 

[hiphophooray123]

And people may talk behind people's backs because they know that their friend won't change so it's no use confronting them about it.

is that really an excuse to ridicule a friend about serious things though? i wouldn't do that unless i don't like someone at all, have no respect for them and see them as pathetic. and if i have no respect for someone and see them as pathetic, i wouldn't pretend i was their friend.

 

[boris]

sometimes i have emotionally draining fucktard friends and there comes a point when i cant handle their incessant whinging anymore

i dont make fun of them, i just tell them to fck off

 

[Just.Snaz]

Well it really matters on how you define 'real friends' as. I mean, they might just be inconsiderate dickheads but if that's who they are then that's who they are.

Do they act this way towards everyone else or just you?

If it's just you then in my opinion, I don't think they're real friends and you should try give em a taste of their own medicine so then they can see how it feels and (hopefully) stop doing it to you. If they still contine well.. revenge is sweet

 

[Serius]

meh i dunno, i can be pretty harsh with comments and stuff, but i am also pretty free with my compliments and i don't touch the stuff that i know really upsets them. I think the fact that i am willing to joke about the stuff they see as "bad" or "wrong" with them means i dont find it that bad, and because i dont ignore it, it means when i do the opposite and give compliments, they know its genuine and it really means something.

I do the same thing as you with regards to friends, if someone wants to just vent because a friend is pissing them off thats fine and i can listen to their problems and try and sort it out, but in a group situation when its like a bitch fest i just tell them to either go and sort it out with that person and shut the fuck up in the meantime, or i go can hang out with others who arent badmouthing the people i care about.

Sometimes in a group of friends, it starts to get like one person cops a lot more shit then everyone else, and when i realize i am doing this i hate myself for it. Even though they know its just joking, you cant just pound on one person continuously without some sort of negative consequences.
Thats probably whats happening to you maybe they see you as the weakest one, and to boost their own egos they give you shit because you are the easy target. If you tell one of them that it hurts you and maybe you can pick on each other equally then word will spread to the others and maybe they can act with a bit more respect, especially over issues that are really sensitive to you.

Then again, maybe they are cunts. In my group of friends we might joke about stupid stuff like the other week on of my friends was buying stuff on Ebay and asked me what "AUD" meant, for the last week, every time anything about money has come up like how much the hot chips i bought us for lunch cost, i would answer like "$5.00 AUD" thats like funny teasing, but even then i am wary because i dont want to fall into the trap of just making jokes that give the message like "LOL YOU ARE DUMB LOL" because that can damage self esteem.

The types of stuff we wouldnt joke about are like " oh hey, the place we are moving into only has one parking spot and iam going to use it, is that ok? oh wait, you dont need a spot, your car got stolen LOL" well thats kind of funny when put like that, especially if its an accident, but the harsher ways like " where did you park your car? oh wait it got stolen HAHA" we dont do. I guess its just about moderation

 

[hiphophooray123]

well yeah whenever there are 2 or more friends involved im ALWAYS seen as the weakest and 'lesser' one no matter what, which sucks big time.

it's like my name is synonymous with a 3rd wheel lol. which is prob why i have so little confidence.

 

[Atonofrash]

I'm not saying it's an excuse to ridicule them. I don't think that's right.

Just that I know people sometimes I really enjoy hanging out with and other times shit me to tears. Personally I don't pretend to be nice to them, and tell them when they do that. So basically what I'm saying is that I don't think that if you have a bit of a whinge or joke about someone that you're a bad friend (even though it hurts), but if they're either complete ridiculing you either in front or behind your back that's prob not good either.


The other thing is that everyone has different levels of 'friend'. sure, if they're your bff then they probably should come to you instead of anyone else if they have a problem. If you're not that close with them (which i could imagine high school friends would be) then it's kinda a different situation.

also, in your case chris, a lot of people (particularly guys our age) don't really know how to deal with mental illness. So it's pretty much a method of dealing with something and making it more bearable.

 

[Stevo.]

i hope the 2nd option wins, otherwise it means i only have like 3 real friends

Welcome to the real world.

 

[hiphophooray123]

its not like the mental illness should define me though, well, i guess it does according to most of my mates. iono.