Criticism would be appreciated ... (1 Viewer)

[snowblack]

Help !!! Feedback Needed!!!

hey guys
for my viva voce, i have to hand in a composition of my work. If anyone has any feedback or criticism, that would be greatly appreciated !! conclusion needs major work though

 

[snowblack]

aww...come on pplz
help a fellow crit responder out !!!
on my knees here ....

 

[Jacks]

hey,

I've briefly looked over what you have...first impression from the first two sentences alone is that they are perhaps a little convoluted...or could be expressed more concisely. It's only a suggestion of course but with a CR this long you really want to get your point across clearly...and you want to do it as concisely as possible so that you have a lot of words to play with when exploring such complex topics. I'll PM you in the near future, with more specific feedback (I'm working on a uni composition of my own due friday) and I want to make sure my suggestions are well thought and helpful to you.

Everyone has different writing styles though, so if you're happy with what you have then that's ok...but my general suggestion would be to go over what you have and make sure you have expressed what you mean as clearly and concisely as you can That just requires the rearranging of some words here and there and the omission of some others. Look over it, and I'll help you after you've thought about it if you like. More later, it's not bad though overall, it's more the structure and wording than the ideas, so that's easily fixed if you decide that's what you want to do.

 

[Sweets]

i'm so jelous u have actually written stuff.

Note- i am aware of the uselessness of this post

 

[boycee]

your awaited criticism

Hey

You are doing a marvellous job. One thing I would suggest (only because I did exactly the same thing when I handed in my draft) would be to talk only a little about the actual issue that you are raising (to introduce its relevance) and then spend the bulk of the response on how the issue is expressed through the texts.

This way the work has the right amount of textual basis, which as my teacher constantly reminds me, is really necessary. I had to cut and redo about 3000 odd words because I was not focusing enough on texts (which in my case, are film). I really like your sophistication, and I think you'll do really well.

btw, you may wish to consider justifying your work (for presentation purposes) and perhaps a few more references would be a good thing.

Kewlies!

~boycee!~