English HELP! (1 Viewer)

[foram]

Do you think my story will get at least a C?

 

[selablad]

Depends if your teachers like you or not

 

[foram]

Can somebody help me to improve this please? I'm not sure how i can make this better.


Feature Article (note: this article may not reflect the view of its writer)

[FONT='Calibri','sans-serif']
[/FONT]Idiocy serves the greater good?

Foram talks about the importance of idiocy in our modern civilized society.
Idiots, plague society continually, and with each generation, more idiots are created to replace the ones which have been eradicated. Why does society continue to allow idiots to be made? Why does society allow of the breeding of idiots, as though they were sewer rats incapable of controlling their primitive desires? Why does society supply these lower-class idiots with money and rights to cause disruptions in our otherwise civilized and well organized society? Why is it that idiots are what they are in today’s society?
Firstly, it is important to understand the nature of idiocy. For as long as human civilization has existed, stupidity has been present. The idiots, needed a way to maintain their survival, and thus according to the survival of the fittest, they had to reproduce faster and more efficiently than the intelligent people to maintain the existence of their genes. Therefore, idiots have evolved to be efficient breeders, with uncontrollable desires without any intelligence to withhold its monstrous nature, like vermin. For this reason, we see the trend that idiots tend to create more children, where as the intelligent produce fewer descendents. From the journey from early human civilization, to the present, humanity has been plagued by stupidity.

Idiots are vermin.

Now that we have identified idiots as an infection and plague of vermin it is curious to wonder why we do not simply eradicate them. Society has been subject to class divisions, where there is the upper class, the middle class, and the working class. The upper class and the middle class need something to feel superior to. Not just animals, but something sufficiently human enough to be considerable when feeling superior. As a result of the upper class’s desire to feel superior, the idiots among the working class have been permitted to live, even thrive in modern day society.
Idiots have been given many rights in an attempt to elevate them to the status of being fully human being. By making them so, we have freed society of the fear that their descendents could become entirely vermin due to unfortunate mind attacking illnesses, and we have made ourselves superior by allowing a number of those vermin to participate in the education system, thus giving us proper humans a sense of superiority when our results far exceed the limitations of the idiots. It follows that by feeding the ego of humans, we will live happier and more comfortable lives.
Child Prodigy Foram said, “People need to feel superior. It is beneficial to health and general well being. If we did not have idiots to feel superior to, we would have a lower average life expectancy.”
Throughout human development, there have always been some strange ones which have sympathized with the idiots, for this reason, idiots are allowed to commit atrocities. Assuming that those vermin sympathizers associate with the idiots without adequate protection, the rights given to idiots allow them to murder, or otherwise abuse the sympathizers, allowing for both the execution of vermin sympathizers and further denouncement of idiots. This again feeds the ego of proper humans, and further serves to allow the continued existence of idiots.

Pacifiers such as petrol, glue and white out have been made available to prevent unwarranted violence.

However, this is not all. It is not unexpected that some idiots could go out of control, and thus there have been many effective and affordable measures in place to protect society from near impossible complications such as an insurrection by the idiots (who are too stupid to do start one in the first place). Common goods which can also operate as pacifiers such as petrol, glue and white out have been made widely available for use by the idiots to prevent unwarranted violence.
Child Prodigy Foram said, “The good thing about petrol and glue is that, even if the idiots run out, they can always steal some more with little financial impact of the people from whom it was stolen”
As you can see, there is a need for the continued existence of idiots, and although their excessive stupidity can produce large quantities of frustration and other negative emotions in some, benefits of maintaining their sustained survival serves the greater good of humankind and is preferable to their extermination.

 

[russianROULETTE]

Um, yeah it is. The whole thing just stinks of how wonderful he thinks he is. It's completely filled with unnessary long words to try make it sound more impressive. If he has a half decent teacher, they should see straight through it. Otherwise the HSC system is even more flawed than I thought.

Considering how many of you people are whining about how much you hate English and how it shouldn't be compulsory and that (read: you don't like it because you suck at it), as if most of you know what a good story is anyway. I'm appalled anyone would think that was good.

+1

Ditch the overwhelming superiority complex, please. If I was your teacher I would be disgusted... also, you wrote 'pass' where it should have been past. Seems to me you neglected the simple things while trying to sound like an intellectual...

 

[foram]

+1

Ditch the overwhelming superiority complex, please. If I was your teacher I would be disgusted... also, you wrote 'pass' where it should have been past. Seems to me you neglected the simple things while trying to sound like an intellectual...

ty, i woudln't have picked up that mistake. You know, when i check my own work, i go right over the mistakes. But when other people read it, the mistakes stand out.

 

[nikitadhami]

Can somebody help me to improve this please? I'm not sure how i can make this better.


Feature Article (note: this article may not reflect the view of its writer)

[FONT='Calibri','sans-serif']
[/font]Idiocy serves the greater good?

Foram talks about the importance of idiocy in our modern civilized society.
Idiots, plague society continually, and with each generation, more idiots are created to replace the ones which have been eradicated. Why does society continue to allow idiots to be made? Why does society allow of the breeding of idiots, as though they were sewer rats incapable of controlling their primitive desires? Why does society supply these lower-class idiots with money and rights to cause disruptions in our otherwise civilized and well organized society? Why is it that idiots are what they are in today’s society?
Firstly, it is important to understand the nature of idiocy. For as long as human civilization has existed, stupidity has been present. The idiots, needed a way to maintain their survival, and thus according to the survival of the fittest, they had to reproduce faster and more efficiently than the intelligent people to maintain the existence of their genes. Therefore, idiots have evolved to be efficient breeders, with uncontrollable desires without any intelligence to withhold its monstrous nature, like vermin. For this reason, we see the trend that idiots tend to create more children, where as the intelligent produce fewer descendents. From the journey from early human civilization, to the present, humanity has been plagued by stupidity.

Idiots are vermin.

Now that we have identified idiots as an infection and plague of vermin it is curious to wonder why we do not simply eradicate them. Society has been subject to class divisions, where there is the upper class, the middle class, and the working class. The upper class and the middle class need something to feel superior to. Not just animals, but something sufficiently human enough to be considerable when feeling superior. As a result of the upper class’s desire to feel superior, the idiots among the working class have been permitted to live, even thrive in modern day society.
Idiots have been given many rights in an attempt to elevate them to the status of being fully human being. By making them so, we have freed society of the fear that their descendents could become entirely vermin due to unfortunate mind attacking illnesses, and we have made ourselves superior by allowing a number of those vermin to participate in the education system, thus giving us proper humans a sense of superiority when our results far exceed the limitations of the idiots. It follows that by feeding the ego of humans, we will live happier and more comfortable lives.
Child Prodigy Foram said, “People need to feel superior. It is beneficial to health and general well being. If we did not have idiots to feel superior to, we would have a lower average life expectancy.”
Throughout human development, there have always been some strange ones which have sympathized with the idiots, for this reason, idiots are allowed to commit atrocities. Assuming that those vermin sympathizers associate with the idiots without adequate protection, the rights given to idiots allow them to murder, or otherwise abuse the sympathizers, allowing for both the execution of vermin sympathizers and further denouncement of idiots. This again feeds the ego of proper humans, and further serves to allow the continued existence of idiots.

Pacifiers such as petrol, glue and white out have been made available to prevent unwarranted violence.

However, this is not all. It is not unexpected that some idiots could go out of control, and thus there have been many effective and affordable measures in place to protect society from near impossible complications such as an insurrection by the idiots (who are too stupid to do start one in the first place). Common goods which can also operate as pacifiers such as petrol, glue and white out have been made widely available for use by the idiots to prevent unwarranted violence.
Child Prodigy Foram said, “The good thing about petrol and glue is that, even if the idiots run out, they can always steal some more with little financial impact of the people from whom it was stolen”
As you can see, there is a need for the continued existence of idiots, and although their excessive stupidity can produce large quantities of frustration and other negative emotions in some, benefits of maintaining their sustained survival serves the greater good of humankind and is preferable to their extermination.

tho i absolutely do not agree with the views r put forward.



it is entertaining and appears to be well thought out in terms of the writing.



i like it.

 

[foram]

note that i wrote

Feature Article (note: this article may not reflect the view of its writer)

don't have any hard feelings toward me please.

 

[-WaxingLyrical-]

i just did my narrative. It didn't have anything to do with journeys, so i just stuck the work journeys inside a few times.

I'll start of my feature article now.

Anybody help me with editing my narrative? Don't bother plagarizing off me if you want anything above a C.

He sat still. Dark clouds hung overhead like a bleak grey covering, callously smothering any spark of exhilaration. People walked slowly, as if they formed a viscous mixture of grayness moving uniformly towards some unseen end. They lacked any spark of intelligence, moving like herd animals. Most people were stupid, they struggled in school, they struggled in university, they struggled in their careers, and they struggled through life. Stupidity was a plague on society. Hard work could never make up for a lack of genius. Taking another spiteful glance at the people droning pass, he stood up and checked the bus timetable a third time. He was growing ever more impatient, and the late bus was causing greater agitation with every passing moment.
Some droplets of water fell, allowing for a few seconds of warning before a sheet of rain poured down, with the wind ripping at people. An umbrella blew away, fluttering in the wind before being torn into two pieces. People ran towards covering, filling the space up with their useless bodies. They should just die.
Glaring obsessively at his watch, he willed the time to move faster. Each ticking of the second hand felt like another step towards madness, and the never ceasing progress of time drove him inevitably toward the end of his sanity. Already, his homicidal tendencies were symptoms of his incipient madness.
The bus halted to a stop as people flooded before the bus doors. The people moved in one great flow of flesh, the people were only lumps of flesh... nobody seemed very real anymore, they simply exist only to die. Wearily boarding the bus at the end of the queue, he gazed emptily at seated figures. Society was full of fools, all going in the same direction, on seemingly the same journey. The graffiti lined the bus thoroughly, clearly made by the lower class of society who felt a need to be different by being troublesome. Such people, who were already useless, should have died before they caused trouble. Unemployed people living off welfare wasted tax money.
The engine grunted as it began to drive off again, a short journey home. Predictability was comforting to an extent, but repetitive redundancy grows infuriating over an extended period of time. School was just that. He never learnt much at school, the school taught almost nothing, and so he learnt almost nothing. It was stagnating. The only subject where he needed to learn, could not be learnt, and relied on stupidity instead, one of the few areas where he did not excel at, unlike the rest of his school.
The bus stopped and he got off, glad to remove himself from the concentration of inanity. He felt perpetually bored, as if the pointlessness of most of each day had become a great veil shielding him from all happiness. Walking slowly home, he looked at the shabby near broken-down cars, the carriers of failed journeys. Without those which are inferior, there would not be those which are superior. In a way, he was glad for the existence of idiots, because he was only a genius in comparison to them. Every society needed inferior people for the upper class to feel superior to. Therefore, he reasoned, there was no need to kill all the idiots, although the cleansing would be beneficial to society, because the idiots were the thing which made him what he was.
Approaching his house he began to quicken his pace. His clothing was soaked, and it was clinging to his skin, making him even colder. Walking briskly to the door, he pushed the door bell, and waited for it to open, feeling confident with his genius intelligence. Having matured past his desire to kill all the idiots, he felt that there was no need to be upset with society; things were fine for him the way it was.

Skimmed over it. Hated it, but maybe I'm prejudiced against you.

What is 'genius intelligence' meant to mean? Semi-tautology there...

Also, half the 'big words' you use don't apply to the context you used them in...
Might want to check over your spelling too, champ.

Think about structure - there is none in your story, and separate the storytelling from what his thoughts are.

Yeah.

 

[foram]

Skimmed over it. Hated it, but maybe I'm prejudiced against you.

What is 'genius intelligence' meant to mean? Semi-tautology there...

Also, half the 'big words' you use don't apply to the context you used them in...
Might want to check over your spelling too, champ.

Think about structure - there is none in your story, and separate the storytelling from what his thoughts are.

Yeah.

yup prejudice.

 

[Sarah182]

I think I'm prejudiced against you too,
I actually found the whole narrative offensive, hated it.
You might need to rethink how you write and what subjects you are writing about.

 

[foram]

it's really too late to make drastic changes. Its due tomorrow, and i'm going to need to sleep soon anyway.

 

[x.Exhaust.x]

Yeah I find it quite offensive as well...Are you seriously going to hand that in Foram? You're the one person I've met who despises English exceedingly and is very egotistical, which is good . All the best with getting a grade higher than C...

 

[foram]

Yeah I find it quite offensive as well...Are you seriously going to hand that in Foram? You're the one person I've met who despises English exceedingly and is very egotistical, which is good . All the best with getting a grade higher than C...

It's okay. I've put in a reflection statement and it included "the target audience will not be offended because of the school I go to" Which is absurd because my schools pretty stupid. But the teachers arn't smart enough to realise that, so i should be safe. If i get an A or B i'll be soo happy.

 

[Sarah182]

It's okay. I've put in a reflection statement and it included "the target audience will not be offended because of the school I go to" Which is absurd because my schools pretty stupid. But the teachers arn't smart enough to realise that, so i should be safe. If i get an A or B i'll be soo happy.

If your school is so stupid then why are you doing so poorly in English, if they are apparently all so much dumber than you.

 

[JJBearPaw]

You picked a pretty touchy subject. The author is so offensive.
Hopefully your teachers dont take it the wrong way.

 

[foram]

If your school is so stupid then why are you doing so poorly in English, if they are apparently all so much dumber than you.

if you read my narrative, and you looked at the bit about english about being stupid, and i'm not good at being stupid, then you'll see that i'm not good at english because i'm not good at being stupid.

 

[JJBearPaw]

if you read my narrative, and you looked at the bit about english about being stupid, and i'm not good at being stupid, then you'll see that i'm not good at english because i'm not good at being stupid.

Hahahaha, luullzzz.

 

[naisAtoN]

if you read my narrative, and you looked at the bit about english about being stupid, and i'm not good at being stupid, then you'll see that i'm not good at english because i'm not good at being stupid.

Dunno... That statement sounded pretty stupid to me. But then again, maybe I'm just displaying too much idiocy to possibly measure up to your *cough* oh-so-superior intellect.

 

[Aerath]

Erm, foram - seems you went a little bit loose with the thesaurus, yet again

 

[tommykins]

Haha all of you are taking foram so seriously, get off your high horses and get over it, he's just doing it to piss you off.

Considering how many of you people are whining about how much you hate English and how it shouldn't be compulsory and that (read: you don't like it because you suck at it), as if most of you know what a good story is anyway. I'm appalled anyone would think that was good.

You see, the problem is, you're an idiot.

Also, how can you set the standard to a "good story" ? What makes a "good story" ? If it appeals to YOU? If YOU can relate to it? What if others don't relate to it, so by definition its a "bad story" and are they anymore wrong/right than you are?

<3 the subjective nature of English, where a moron thinks they set the standard because a text doesn't appeal to them.

EDIT : Read the story on the first page. Haha, reminds me of me in a way, I liked it. Although, to the politically correct people, you could remove the whole "they should just die" statements and add euphimisms in there.