Chevalier
FutureGazer
Hey everyone, I'm posting up some of my practise creative writing pieces on belonging, so some feedback would be good cause I don't get much of it at school. Here's the first one.
Thanks
Standing on the platform of a train station waiting for a train that’s never on time, coupled with the chill of the cold morning breeze on a cloudy day is certainly not something to look forward to every day of the morning. But for me, it’s a welcome change in scenery, and one that I relish every time. Even though it looks stupid, I breathe deeply, taking in a lungful of the cool, crisp morning air. It’s a far cry from the polluted, choking atmosphere of where I used to live. Every day on the way to work, I’d be confronted with the polluted air, part of the choking, tainted atmosphere completely enveloping the city of Linfen in the province of Shanxi, certainly one of the dirtiest in China. Please remain behind the yellow lines at all times. An all too familiar sound that further compliments this scene of normality. But it’s strange. I’ve been living in Australia now for only about 5 years, yet I now regard it as my home, not my home away from home, but my home. A typical quarter acre block in the outer suburbs. That’s where I live, eat, sleep, and spend the rest of my twenty-four hours when I’m not out. It’s one of the newer brick veneer homes being built around the neighbourhood. How fitting. A new house for a new man. A new identity. A new sense of belonging.
Reminiscing about how fortunate I am to be here is also something I take no embarrassment in admitting to doing so. But it’s only to pass the time. At least until that train gets here. But I’m feeling uneasy. Because I’m supposed to be meeting my brother Deng, who I know is getting here by train. This I believed wasn’t to be a brotherly reunion. It came as quite a shock actually when he said he had arrived in Australia and was coming to visit me, because I hadn’t heard from Deng for years. But he wasn’t here to just pay a visit. He also told me that he was going to work here even when his visa expired two days ago. I had always thought that he felt resentful for me and was secretly jealous of my relatively successful career and life in Australia while he was still stuck in a low-paying job in a factory back in China. As his older brother I could not condemn nor condone this action, but I was bewildered and perplexed, as to why he could be so foolish as to take such a big risk as this, working illegally in Australia. And as to why he had wanted to see me I couldn’t guess. There had been some bad blood between us; as of late we had argued over for we easily broke into squabbles over the most insignificant of things, so it was with a mixture of apprehension and tense anticipation that I stood waiting for that train, only casually glancing at my watch every now and again.
The next train on platform one goes to Central...That was sign indicating that the train had just pulled in, and as the doors swung open and commuters disembarked, I scanned the throng of people for Deng. He wasn’t hard to spot. Dressed in a flimsy zip-up jacket and tattered track paints he cut an unimpressive figure among the other commuters. I raised my hand and he saw this immediately, shuffling towards me with the hesitant gait typical of one ill at ease with his surroundings.
“It is good to see you brother,” he said in our mother tongue.
“Indeed, it has been too long,” I replied in kind.
I embraced him like brothers should, clapping him on the back and he did likewise.
“Business good for you I see,” Deng said, looking me up and down. I knew he was judging me on account of my appearance. “Business must be good if you can afford a Rolex. I remember when I was younger back in China it used to take me over a year to save up enough money to buy a decent watch, not the usual cheap rubbish.” There was an element of scorn and bitterness in the way he said this. But I took no notice of it until a few seconds later, when I inadvertently asked, “And how have things been with you?” At this, Deng replied thoughtlessly; “I thought you said you didn’t want to know.”
“Of course I want to know,” I said incredulously. “I have no problem with you working and living here, but the problem is whether you’re doing it legally or not. You know very well what the consequences are if you stay here as an illegal immigrant.”
“I think you told me this last time.”
“And I’m telling you again. No brother of mine should be working here illegally.
“So you say I have no right to be here? What would you do then? Report me to the authorities? Have me sent me back to China? I need to be here! I need to work, otherwise how else am I supposed to look after our ageing parents?”
“Well have you at least applied for a working visa or permanent residency?”
“You think it’s so easy don’t you? Of course it’s easy for you because you have university degree, you have flashy suit and tie, you have rolex watch. You work for big coal mining company and while all my friends have gone off to the big cities, I’m still without a meaningful job at all!”
There was a long pause, a tense silence pervading the area as a silent standoff ensured between me and Deng. His eyes darted around as he was surreptitiously watching the other people, who in turn were curiously watching us.
“I’m sorry brother,” I said at last. “It was wrong of me to argue with you like this after you came all this way to see you. Anyways, I have something to give you.”
“What is it?”
“You’ll see. Just open it.”
I opened my briefcase and handed him a brown envelope. I watched as he unwrapped it. His mouth opened in disbelief at what as inside. It was a kite, the very same red, green and gold kite that I had once owned as a child. We spend many a day of our idyllic childhood flying kites, but while mine soared high in the air like a majestic bird of prey, his always seemed to fall short, much to his dismay and profound disappointment. I knew he had always desired mine. So I had thought it proper if I was to patch up my rocky relationship with Deng, then I should be prepared to part with this most treasured of childhood possessions. As I expected, he tried to turn it away.
“You know I can’t accept this,” he said, his voice trembling with emotion.
“Take it,” I said calmly. “Let this be a reminder to you of everything that can be yours. Everything that you can have and achieve if you choose to take a chance.”
At this Deng smiled for the first time in recent memory and the very sight of it gladdened my heart.
“And don’t forget,” I continued. “You’re not alone. As long as you have that kite, you’ll always have that part of you that’s more precious than anything else. Those childhood memories and the connections associated with them. Your sense of belonging…”
The clouds parted, allowing the radiant sun to bath the world with its luminosity, shafts of light piercing the still morning air. A brilliant blue sky was testament to the wonders of the world as well as the perpetuation of those things that made life worth living as well as the continuation of life , whether through adversity or triumph. Two boys alone bore witness to this, but the significance of this seemingly everyday occurrence was lost on them. Both were running. One of them, flying a kite, a red, green and gold kite that soared far above him. He was laughing as he ran, urging the kite to soar ever higher. And the other followed closely in his footsteps, an expression of pure joy written across his face.
Thanks
Standing on the platform of a train station waiting for a train that’s never on time, coupled with the chill of the cold morning breeze on a cloudy day is certainly not something to look forward to every day of the morning. But for me, it’s a welcome change in scenery, and one that I relish every time. Even though it looks stupid, I breathe deeply, taking in a lungful of the cool, crisp morning air. It’s a far cry from the polluted, choking atmosphere of where I used to live. Every day on the way to work, I’d be confronted with the polluted air, part of the choking, tainted atmosphere completely enveloping the city of Linfen in the province of Shanxi, certainly one of the dirtiest in China. Please remain behind the yellow lines at all times. An all too familiar sound that further compliments this scene of normality. But it’s strange. I’ve been living in Australia now for only about 5 years, yet I now regard it as my home, not my home away from home, but my home. A typical quarter acre block in the outer suburbs. That’s where I live, eat, sleep, and spend the rest of my twenty-four hours when I’m not out. It’s one of the newer brick veneer homes being built around the neighbourhood. How fitting. A new house for a new man. A new identity. A new sense of belonging.
Reminiscing about how fortunate I am to be here is also something I take no embarrassment in admitting to doing so. But it’s only to pass the time. At least until that train gets here. But I’m feeling uneasy. Because I’m supposed to be meeting my brother Deng, who I know is getting here by train. This I believed wasn’t to be a brotherly reunion. It came as quite a shock actually when he said he had arrived in Australia and was coming to visit me, because I hadn’t heard from Deng for years. But he wasn’t here to just pay a visit. He also told me that he was going to work here even when his visa expired two days ago. I had always thought that he felt resentful for me and was secretly jealous of my relatively successful career and life in Australia while he was still stuck in a low-paying job in a factory back in China. As his older brother I could not condemn nor condone this action, but I was bewildered and perplexed, as to why he could be so foolish as to take such a big risk as this, working illegally in Australia. And as to why he had wanted to see me I couldn’t guess. There had been some bad blood between us; as of late we had argued over for we easily broke into squabbles over the most insignificant of things, so it was with a mixture of apprehension and tense anticipation that I stood waiting for that train, only casually glancing at my watch every now and again.
The next train on platform one goes to Central...That was sign indicating that the train had just pulled in, and as the doors swung open and commuters disembarked, I scanned the throng of people for Deng. He wasn’t hard to spot. Dressed in a flimsy zip-up jacket and tattered track paints he cut an unimpressive figure among the other commuters. I raised my hand and he saw this immediately, shuffling towards me with the hesitant gait typical of one ill at ease with his surroundings.
“It is good to see you brother,” he said in our mother tongue.
“Indeed, it has been too long,” I replied in kind.
I embraced him like brothers should, clapping him on the back and he did likewise.
“Business good for you I see,” Deng said, looking me up and down. I knew he was judging me on account of my appearance. “Business must be good if you can afford a Rolex. I remember when I was younger back in China it used to take me over a year to save up enough money to buy a decent watch, not the usual cheap rubbish.” There was an element of scorn and bitterness in the way he said this. But I took no notice of it until a few seconds later, when I inadvertently asked, “And how have things been with you?” At this, Deng replied thoughtlessly; “I thought you said you didn’t want to know.”
“Of course I want to know,” I said incredulously. “I have no problem with you working and living here, but the problem is whether you’re doing it legally or not. You know very well what the consequences are if you stay here as an illegal immigrant.”
“I think you told me this last time.”
“And I’m telling you again. No brother of mine should be working here illegally.
“So you say I have no right to be here? What would you do then? Report me to the authorities? Have me sent me back to China? I need to be here! I need to work, otherwise how else am I supposed to look after our ageing parents?”
“Well have you at least applied for a working visa or permanent residency?”
“You think it’s so easy don’t you? Of course it’s easy for you because you have university degree, you have flashy suit and tie, you have rolex watch. You work for big coal mining company and while all my friends have gone off to the big cities, I’m still without a meaningful job at all!”
There was a long pause, a tense silence pervading the area as a silent standoff ensured between me and Deng. His eyes darted around as he was surreptitiously watching the other people, who in turn were curiously watching us.
“I’m sorry brother,” I said at last. “It was wrong of me to argue with you like this after you came all this way to see you. Anyways, I have something to give you.”
“What is it?”
“You’ll see. Just open it.”
I opened my briefcase and handed him a brown envelope. I watched as he unwrapped it. His mouth opened in disbelief at what as inside. It was a kite, the very same red, green and gold kite that I had once owned as a child. We spend many a day of our idyllic childhood flying kites, but while mine soared high in the air like a majestic bird of prey, his always seemed to fall short, much to his dismay and profound disappointment. I knew he had always desired mine. So I had thought it proper if I was to patch up my rocky relationship with Deng, then I should be prepared to part with this most treasured of childhood possessions. As I expected, he tried to turn it away.
“You know I can’t accept this,” he said, his voice trembling with emotion.
“Take it,” I said calmly. “Let this be a reminder to you of everything that can be yours. Everything that you can have and achieve if you choose to take a chance.”
At this Deng smiled for the first time in recent memory and the very sight of it gladdened my heart.
“And don’t forget,” I continued. “You’re not alone. As long as you have that kite, you’ll always have that part of you that’s more precious than anything else. Those childhood memories and the connections associated with them. Your sense of belonging…”
The clouds parted, allowing the radiant sun to bath the world with its luminosity, shafts of light piercing the still morning air. A brilliant blue sky was testament to the wonders of the world as well as the perpetuation of those things that made life worth living as well as the continuation of life , whether through adversity or triumph. Two boys alone bore witness to this, but the significance of this seemingly everyday occurrence was lost on them. Both were running. One of them, flying a kite, a red, green and gold kite that soared far above him. He was laughing as he ran, urging the kite to soar ever higher. And the other followed closely in his footsteps, an expression of pure joy written across his face.
except perhaps find different words for "belonging"?