LOST IN TRANSLATION IN CHINESE
Butchered English in China is known as "Chinglish." Here's quite a few really funny examples; a lot of the old classics plus many, many new ones.
Overheard during a ceremonial toast at a cocktail party honoring numerous international guests in Shenyang, China:
The Chinese host lifted up his glass to one of the higher ranking American guests and said:
"Up your bottoms."
The American diplomat never missed a beat as he responded:
"Up yours too."
A friendly, recorded female voice greets passengers riding in taxis Shantou, Guangdong, in both Chinese and English. Well, Chinglish, anyway. She says:
"You are welcome to take the Shantou taxi. Please assign the way you wish to go. We wish you can enjoin our service. Any complaints, please phone to us..."
and then she gives the number.
Now, there are two important things to remember here:
1. You must "assign the way you wish to go" in Chinese, as not a single Shantou taxi driver speaks English.
2. All complaints must be lodged in Chinese, as, obviously, no one at the "phone to us" place speaks English, either.
The packaging of a product called "Family Rack" - a plastic shelving unit sold in China - contains this catchy little ditty:
"SAVE YOUR POEM OVER THE TIME,AND CREATE YOUR LIFE, THIS WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY AND MAKE YOU SENSEFULL,SPACE WILL BE SO EXCITING." [sic]
A plastic thermos-style food container has recently appeared on the shelves of department stores in China. A picture of a rather Victorian-looking rabbit appears on the side of the container, along with the following words:
"PETTY RABBIT
by Bettyix Botter."
A notice posted on the door of an office building about to undergo renovations in China read:
"NOTICE
Dear resident:
Our office building will be rebuild next month, in these time it will brings you so inconvenient. Please forgive us!"
Bi-lingual Chinese Christmas cards truly represent the very best of the very worst. The Chinese characters used on these cards typically have absolutely no relationship to the English, which is not only badly used, but also badly spelled. Here's a verbatim example:
"Let fhe birds singing for you freely.
Affectionated your heart with firendship.
Decorated your dreams with fresh flowers.
Merry christmas to you." [sic]
On the inside of a Christmas card sent to all tenants of an elite foreigner's housing compound in Chengdu, Sichuan, China:
"YOUR CARE MEANS THE MOST PRECIOUS MEASURE TO US.
ORCHARD VILLAS, YOUR FOREVER FRIEND."[sic]
Invites to big events are also quite special in China. An invitation to a Christmas and New Year's party hosted by several Sichuan foreign affairs groups in 1996 read:
"As the Christmas and New Year are coming soon, in the 22nd of December 1996(Sunday), 19:30-22:30pm, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Party will be held at Multi - function Hall, 3rd floor of Holiday Inn Crowne Plaza. Please be informed to join in this joyful evening. We appreciate for your kind attention." [sic]
An English teacher in Shantou, Guangdong, China was told by one of her students that, according to Chinese medicine, washing one's hair everyday will give you a headache.
This same teacher, who also taught English in Chengdu, Sichuan, China was told by a university student there that brushing your teeth everyday was bad for your gums. The young man who told her this was majoring in Genetics.
The slogan on advertising cards printed up for a bar in Shantou proudly proclaims:
THE 5th AVENUE
Just to make you high.
A knock-off of an American-style fast-food hamburger joint located in downtown Chengdu bears the appetizing name of:
"Peter Burger."
The best way to follow up that delicious meal at "Peter Burger," of course, is with a couple of pieces of Shenzen Natural Come Food Company's "Natural Come Peanut Milk Candy."
An English sign posted outside Beijing Gardens warns: "Decadent songs and actions that go against decency are not allowed here."
Street signs intended to uplift the spirit and morale of the people are posted all over China, often in both Chinese and Chinglish. Here's a few of the best ones seen around the country:
"Pay attention to the sanitation."
"Do lustre to the environment."
"Carry oneself with civilisation, friendship and unition of all peoples."
A Chinese hotel pamphlet which describes the place as an "Hygenically recommendable institution. No pets, combustible or explodable" further advises that:
"Guests must not get up other guests before breakfast" and also that "Guests must not come in their rooms after 11pm."
Another Chinese hotel rule states:
"Tenants are not permitted to bring cattle or live fowls."
When launching Coca-Cola in China, it wasn't until after thousands of signs had been printed that the company learned the true meaning of "Ke-kou-ke-la," the Chinese name they had chosen for their product. It turned out that this phrase, depending upon the dialect, meant either "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax." Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and eventually settled on "Ko-kou-ko-le" which, loosely translated, means "Happiness in the Mouth."
Pepsi also had its troubles with the Chinese language and its various dialects. In Taiwan, when the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" was translated, it came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
When Warner Brothers launched Looney Tunes in mainland China, Bugs Bunny was given the unfortunate name of Tu Ba Ge, which means "Big Brother Rabbit.''
In Chengdu, Sichuan, China the phrase "ping-pong" is slang for "stupid."
Microsoft's problems in the U.S. were nothing compared to the mess it found itself in after Windows 95 was introduced to the mainland Chinese market. An editing program with a feature that anticipates the ending of common phrases was finishing sentences in rather inflammatory ways. The program, licensed from a Taiwanese company, referred to Chinese leaders as "Communist bandits'' and exhorted the Taiwanese government to "take back the mainland.''
A "Bag-Keeping Office" at a store in China posted its "Notice-to-customers" on the wall:
1. Only keep bigger bags and cases
2. Don't keep cash, cheques as well as precious articles
3. Don't keep dangerous easy broken and inflammables
4. Don't look after any articles.
"Xiao Lao Po Bing, " a popular brand of cookie in China, translates as "Concubine's Cakes."
In Nanchang, China, there's a brand of potato chips called "Lonely God Potato Crisps." On the front of the bags is a picture of a pretty little cartoon angel.
Boxes of Health Kuding Tea sold in China read:
"This new pattern and highlevel health tea is well made of wild natural medicinal plants of GuiZhou Province in a modern science way. Through testing and verifying by scientific research institution and colleges, we found that it contents tannic acid, glucoside,steroid,ketone. It also contents 16trace elements,such as Zn,Cu,Fe,Mn,Co,Ca,Rb,Se,etc. It has the functions of getting rid of cold wind, sharping eyes, cleaning lungs, subsidencing of a swelling, clearing up heat, reducing fat, hypertension, anti - radiation, refreshing oneself and quenching one's thirst, etc. It can also regulate central nervous system, protect heart blood vessel system,make blood,invigorate the circulation of blood,enrich the blood,reduce fat,cure hypertension, promote sex action, augment immunity from disease, prevent losing memory of the middle and old ages,and prevent senile dementia,etc. What is more. Except the general characteristic of tea,it has a function for health and a distinctive flavour. It is above average of other tea. That's why as it was produced, it has been welcome both at home and abroad. And it has good names as "Long Life Tea" and "Cometology Tea". It won the Praise of the Advanced Science and Technology of the Southeaest GuiZhou in 1992, the Praise of Quintessence Products for Health in 1993, and the Gold Medal of Science and Technology Quintessence Products for Health of China." [sic]
The advice on a package of another healthy Chinese hot drink product, Banlangen Grains, says:
"This product is refinedly made from banlangen and some other ingredients with the modern scientific method. It has such functions asdispelling the fever or poison,cooling the blood,doing good to the throat,preventing or treating the contagious hepatitis or poliomyelitis,etc.It is the drink product necessary for you to keep every day.
Storage:store in cool dryplaces and seal it up." [sic]
The Chinese love their noodies...ummm, noodles. Check it out:
"The product is made of high-quarlity wheat flour,eggs and other condiments.It is refined with high-class processing technology as same as traditional Lala noodies.It contains Many kinds of natural nutrients. Through scientific differentiate,it is close to green food.It is beneficial to the human health.It is great to be prepared at home,going work,in restaurant ang dining room." [sic]
The ingredients, shelf life and so on are then listed, followed by the cooking instructions:
"Methods:
Instant
ut noodles in boiling water with seasoning and cover for 3 minutes before serving.
Cook in soup
ut noodies in flavoured soup,cook for 2 minutes and add seasoning berore serving.
Fry
ut noodles in boiling water, cook for 2 minutes, take it up and fry with condiments.
Cook with sugar
ut noodies in boiling water,cook for 3 minutes and add sugar before serving.Or put noodies in boiling water,cook for 2 minutes,take it up and fry with sugar and vegetable oil for 3-4 minutes." [sic]
The following info appears on the back of packages of "Happy Family" brand egg noodles, which, incidentally, are "SELLED BY HONG KONG YONGFA TRADE CO."
Instruction:
The products are well known as the smooth. Delicious taste. It's favorable for breakfast or dinner,at home or travel.It's quick to prepair, soup noodles or fried noodles,as you like.
Directions:
1.Instant noodles:
Put noodles and sauce into a bowl add with boiling water,cover for 3 minutes,then mix and serve.
2.Soup noodles:
Cook the noodles in boiling water for about 2 minutes add in sauce and cooked vegetables, chicken,eggs etc.
3.Fried noodles:
Cook the noodles in boiling water for 1 minutes,rinse,then fry the noodles roith cooking oil and sauce,cooked vegetables,chicken, eggs for 2-3 minutes. [sic]
Packages of Han Fan Instant Rice Flour Noodles recommend:
"WAYS OF COOKING
1. NOODLES IN SOUP
UTTING THE RICE-FLOUR NOODLESINTO BOILED-WATER FOR ABOUT 3-5 MINUTES,TAKE IT OUT AND PUT INTO THE SOUP WHICH MAKE UP WITH SHREDDED MEAT, KENNELS OF PRAWN AND CRAB MEAT,THEN CAN EAT ,OR YOU CAN BOLL IT FOR ABOUT 4-5 MINUTES.
2. FRIED NOODLES
UTTING THE RICE-FLOUR NOODLES INTO BOILED-WATER FOR ABOUT 3 MINUTES,COOLING IN WATER AND TAKE IT OUT . MIX THOROUGHLY WITH A LITTLE SOY SAUCE,THEN FRY IT LIGHTLY IN THE POT FOR A PROPER TIME,TAKE INTO THE PLATE,ADD SOME DRIED MEAT FLOSS, THEN YOU CAN GET A PLATE OF DELICIOUS NOODLES.
3. TEAMED NOODLES
UTTING THE RICE-FLOUR NOODLES INTO BOILED-WATER FOR ABOUT 3 MINUTES,COOLING IN STEAM WITH FAST FIRE FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES,THEN YOU CAN EAT ." [sic]
On the other side of the package, above where the "Produce Date" is stamped, it reads: "Keep date for 1Years."
Noodled Out? There's only two more, but they're classics:
Noodle Master brand's cooking instructions recommend that once you have "Put a bag of 200g noodle strip, in a separate manner,into proper amount of boiling water," you should then "Chum the noodle with chopsticks while the water is reboiling up." And although it's rare to find an actual oven anywhere in China, they further recommend that "While the water is boiling up,Let the oven mild to keep the water from over flowing the pot, or add a half cup of water to let the cooked noodle go to the exact hardness." Then, after you have "Rinse cooked noodles with cold water,drain and stir fry taste well."
This is a product which, according to the package, meets ISO9002 standards.
And last, but not least, is the info on packages of Hu Tou Sheng Xin Zhu Rice-flour noodles, which are made of "high quality rice and corn starch with its purity quality and uniform strips." The instructions say that after the noodles have been cooked for 3-5 minutes in warm water they should be stir-fried with other ingredients, such as "threadlike pork, chops and mushrooms." While eating the rice-flour noodle, the manufacturer recommends that "the seasoning of catch-ups, pepper sauce or mustard can be added to it as people like."
When deep-frying this noodle in oil, the package directions clearly state that "the Rice-flour noodle should not be soggyed," that it is "editable when it rises to the oil surface" and that it should be eaten "together with gruel, or stir fry with strip meats and mushrooms."
Hmmm...yummy.
Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous slogan, "Finger-Lickin' Good," translated into Chinese as "Eat your fingers off."
An instruction card in a Chinese hotel reads: "Please deposit your valuables in the management."
A Hong Kong dentist's advertisement reads: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."
A sign in a Hong Kong supermarket proudly states: "For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service."
A sign in a Hong Kong dress shop advises: "Ladies have fits upstairs."
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong reads: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life."
The package of a superglue made in Taiwan reads:
"Super Glue bottle is well designed to protect leakage or drop the nozzle, specially designed!!
1. Super Glue, cyanoacrylate adhesive, has an amazing new quick bonding power of multi-purpose against wood, plastic, ceramic,rubber, metal etc.....
2. Bonds daily domestic goods, interior gooks, electric appliance, accessories, hobbies and sporting goods ,automobile accessories" [sic].
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