oh im so tempted to turn this into a House Quotes thread
House: Your wife is having an affair.
Orange-Colored Patient: What??
House: You're orange, you moron! It's one thing for you not to notice, but your wife hasn't picked up on the fact that her husband has changed colors. She's just not paying attention. Oh, by the way, do you consume just ridiculous amounts of carrots and mega-dose vitamins? The carrots turn you yellow, the niacin turns you red. Get a set of fingerpaints and figure it out.
Woman: No more artificial formula, just natural mommy's breast milk!
House: *all taken aback like* YYYYYYYYYYYYYYummy
House: Dr. Cuddy. Nice outfit.
Cuddy: What are you doing back here? Patient?
House: No, hooker. Went to my office instead of my home.
Dr. Cameron: What about sex?
House: Well, it could get complicated. We work together, I'm older, but if you go for that kind of thing . . .
Dr. Cameron: I meant syphilis.
House: (winks) Nice cover.
House: It'd be like "The Boy Who Sued Wolf." You know, I bet we have a doctor here named ‘Wolf'. How perfect would that be – I think I'll page him.
House: Who thinks there's a third option. (Chase raises his hand) Very good. And what's the third choice?
Dr. Chase: (shrugs) No idea. You just asked if I thought there was one.
Dan's Mother: How can you just sit there?
House: If I stand up, I spill.
Cuddy: How's your hooker doing?
House: How sweet of you to ask. Funny story - she was going to be a hospital administrator, but she hated to screw people like that.