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ripping each other to shreds (1 Viewer)

lizzy1004

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now that... i read my things again.. it feels differnt... h....... wellz no need to stress till resulttimes
 

gloria*

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'it feels different' -- i think i know what you mean.

i read my entire work today, for the first time since i completed it, and i don't know. maybe i'm more critical but it seems even more shit than it was. i hate that when i finally decide to step outside myself a little, to a less personal view [one closer to what the markers might have, perhaps] it's kind of too late.
 

Saul

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what was that huck?

ah yes, you do suck.
 

Saul

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no offense tom, but your work is horrible, and i wish you would die.
 

AsyLum

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hehe taken from the other forum since that was way off topic...

/edit/

damn daemon THAT WAS BLOODY AWESOME!!!
 
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Daemontreu

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Originally posted by AsyLum
damn daemon THAT WAS BLOODY AWESOME!!!
Heh. You don't know how happy you've made me. :D *relief*

Yes! I read yours when you posted it in the other thread... interestingly-great! (Not "interestingly" as in I didn't expect it to be... but, damn. You know what I mean right?) - Kind of lost me towards the end... :rolleyes:
 

huck fenn

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Daemonthingy, i liked your ballad alot. Very nice rhyme and rhythms and especially good images. very tasty images. but dude, the repeated lines.??? wtf? i got so bored with them by the second page...

Asylum, mucherly liked your 'story'. sweet pomo action. I really liked your more vague, abstract sections, and especially the first few pages, where it seemed very unrelated and random. I know the 'concept' is important, but it got a little confusing/exhausting later on... whats with the rock? could you explain it for me? I also felt your execution of language in a few places let it down, but only very minorly. It came accross as a little bit rushed at times.
 

Saul

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you're too critical of everyones work tom, just say that they're good, make people feel better and move on. And with regards to the repetition within ballads (although i haven't actually read thingies work yet) it can be acceptable to have repetition. If you look at Lord Randall (don't think anybody knows how its actually by) you'd see that pretty much every stanza is exactly the same, yet still manages to convey the story of the ballad. (not to mention a really enjoyable poem)

And that's my two cents.
 

huck fenn

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Just cause your story was crap.

Nah, guys, i did enjoy both of them. Criticism is intended to be goodnatured and 'helpful', although i have no idea if either of you plan on doing something similar again. Do you?

and re the ballad thing, i don;t care if its 'accepted' or not, i got bored of it. my two cents =/= your two cents. so ner.

EDIT:
bloody hell saulm you've made me paranoid.
I don;t mean to point out 'flaws'. i guess my natural reaction is to go all deconstruct styles. Both of your works were very high quality. Daemonthingy - i was (honestly) in awe of your poetic abilities. and Asylum - very ingenious concept and i was mucherly entertained and engaged.

:/

empathy tom. empathy. Saul said so.
 
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Saul

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crap???

oh tom, i'm gonna kick you tomorrow! i put alot of effort in!


EDIT: hahahahaha
 
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Jethro G

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Ha ha ha! You dumb bastard! It's not a schooner...
something smells

fo en ellfar

.... my gowd... i liked both of them... i found the second repetition nice... the first was good too... but as tom said maybe not lastingly good just good... but execution is good too

pomo to the maxo... goodo

toms right with the mixy upology at the startology... hm... i liked it further on as they started congealing and oozing arywhere... um... yeah... (toms one of those different one, watch out for him...)hehe(hehe)
 
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Daemontreu

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Hey, no offence taken. I personally also found the repetition hell boring. I usually skip those lines anyway :D Problem is I probably really should have done it as a performance piece, ballads are so not meant to be read. But the repetition had to stay in, unfortunately. Ballad conventions for the 15th century etc. *shrug*

Well, honest opinions are worth something I guess. :)
 

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