I know we've had a rocky friendship, but let me tell you how I feel.
Ive hidden my emotions for so long, afraid...afraid that you would never want to speak to me again.
From the first moment I met you, I knew that I felt something for you. My heart beat a million beats a second as soon as you spoke. But I hushed that side of me down because I knew you didnt feel the same way about me. I knew that to you, I was just your sister. Your name is the most beautiful name, it is the same name as my fathers. I thought you reminded me of someone, now I know who. That night when you kissed me, I was upset, not because I was getting kissed by my biggest crush ever, but because I knew that deep down what you felt for me? It wasnt what I felt for you. For you it was a spur of the moment thing, but for me it was magical. It ignited something that wasnt there before. I never knew I could feel this way about someone. Whenever I see you I smile, because I know that you are there. You dont have to say anything to me, you dont even have to look at me...you being there..thats enough to make me the happiest girl on earth.
But (insert name here), I regret everything...our rocky friendship...its just been too hard on the both of us. The way you hurt me..the way you make me cry..the way you try controlling me...(insert name here), when you say something hurtful..it feels like a thousand knives stabbing into my soul. But despite everything, I still love you..as a friend, a sister and as something more. You'll always remain that special someone that has ever seen who I completely am, inside and out. And im glad it was you because I just love you and care for you so much that I wouldnt want it to be anyone else.
I know we said that we would just stay friends..I know that we both dont want to ruin our friendship, but (insert name here), but what if there is more?? what if we were in each others arms forever?? we'll never know until we try. I know that you will keep on asking me for many years to come whether or not I am with someone or whether or not i am interested in someone, as evident from the fact that youve asked me at least 4 times this year alone and I know im going to get hurt like hell every time you talk about being with another girl.
We're both going to keep on getting hurt...all because we dont want to ruin our friendship, but (insert name here), i love you so much, more than ive loved anyone else. So I just hope that the time will come (sooner better than later) that we will be able to be togehter, not just as friends,, but as soul mates.
from the bottom of my heart, i love you xo.