Cykologi_gal
Psyche...
I know this would ultimately be down to me - my decision alone, but I really need some outside opinions and suggestions. I'm really torn.
This is a bit long.
The senario:
There are two guys - I'm with one of them. The other guy wants to be with me too. I like them both.
The low-down on the guy that I'm with:
He's from my grade (I'll leave his race etc alone) who used to have a crush on my ex-best friend (who liked my ex for a while). We started chatting on MSN because of that - he wanted to get nearer to her and needed my help. He eventually gave up...but we kept chatting. When he got depressed this year for some reason, I "counselled" him and a month later he admitted that he loved me. This has been a 2-month already (exactly).
He's never had a gf before. He's the "straight-out" type of guy - he doesn't like detours etc in conversations and truthfully & deep down, he's shy and insecure still. We don't hold hands if there're people around etc. He's still learning about the many areas of "relationship ettiquette" which many of us have already learnt. Also, because of our families, we have to date in secret - no phone, just MSN from time to time. He's not entirely romantic - very rusty on that, but he's getting better - he doesn't really take the "initiative" - like, he doesn't suggest anything that we can do - just says "I just want to be with you" - and accepts any suggestions I come up with. We've only met up a few times and at times, he'd stay quiet and "in awe" of me - kind of uncomfortable but I'm learning to deal with that, but he has no trouble in giving or getting affection. There's not really a lot to put in, currently...but I'm comfy around him.
I hadn't had too much confidence in this relationship - he's mostly the guy in the background who kind of makes you doubt his feelings - but this has been going strong. I've mentioned the word "break-up" several times, but in the end I've decided to give him a chance - it's his first time, after all, and he's really enthusiastic to solve any problems we encounter so that we can stay together.
The low-down on the other guy:
He's been a friend for aaaaages, since I was in year 8 - he's a year above me. it began with some put-downs which he's now apologised for. He's really generous - like, the most generous guy I know, and he's also hilariously funny with a quirky sense of humour. He's as outgoing as...as quiet as the other guy is. He's the easy-going type, warm and I'm comfy around him.
He' liked/loved me since we first saw each other - I'm no hottie btw lol, and we went out for a day a few years ago - broke up because I was more interested in books than him...and now, years later, his feelings are much stronger - up to the point that he can't deal with it. He lets me take the initiative as well - but with him, it feels like that he can back me up if I can't come up with anything. He's putting in so much, in the hope that I'll accept him. Still, I feel shy around him - I think he's a bit above me. There're mild arguments about family, religion etc. His feelings for me are just overwhelming - I've seriously been knocked out by it - I'd never known about the loving side of him. His family's keen to get to know me, even though I can't date yet. He's adorable, he's cute and much more responsive.
The PROBLEM:
In a nutshell, I don't know who to choose. I don't want to let go on either of them. For the first guy - it'll seem as if I'm too negative, I've already been negative with him enough - I don't want to give up on the fight that we have to face together - family, cultural etc. He's not the warmest guy but he's the faithful type and "refuses" to lose hope, when there're only small problems to deal with. There's a bit of compromise there. For the second guy - well, he's afraid that I'm leading him on when I told him that I'm down 'cos I won't be seeing my bf for several months. He needs to know - he's losing patience in a way - and hence this is the reason why I'm posting this.
I'll tell more - if there's anything else that anyone needs to know to help me.
Thanks so much.
This is a bit long.
The senario:
There are two guys - I'm with one of them. The other guy wants to be with me too. I like them both.
The low-down on the guy that I'm with:
He's from my grade (I'll leave his race etc alone) who used to have a crush on my ex-best friend (who liked my ex for a while). We started chatting on MSN because of that - he wanted to get nearer to her and needed my help. He eventually gave up...but we kept chatting. When he got depressed this year for some reason, I "counselled" him and a month later he admitted that he loved me. This has been a 2-month already (exactly).
He's never had a gf before. He's the "straight-out" type of guy - he doesn't like detours etc in conversations and truthfully & deep down, he's shy and insecure still. We don't hold hands if there're people around etc. He's still learning about the many areas of "relationship ettiquette" which many of us have already learnt. Also, because of our families, we have to date in secret - no phone, just MSN from time to time. He's not entirely romantic - very rusty on that, but he's getting better - he doesn't really take the "initiative" - like, he doesn't suggest anything that we can do - just says "I just want to be with you" - and accepts any suggestions I come up with. We've only met up a few times and at times, he'd stay quiet and "in awe" of me - kind of uncomfortable but I'm learning to deal with that, but he has no trouble in giving or getting affection. There's not really a lot to put in, currently...but I'm comfy around him.
I hadn't had too much confidence in this relationship - he's mostly the guy in the background who kind of makes you doubt his feelings - but this has been going strong. I've mentioned the word "break-up" several times, but in the end I've decided to give him a chance - it's his first time, after all, and he's really enthusiastic to solve any problems we encounter so that we can stay together.
The low-down on the other guy:
He's been a friend for aaaaages, since I was in year 8 - he's a year above me. it began with some put-downs which he's now apologised for. He's really generous - like, the most generous guy I know, and he's also hilariously funny with a quirky sense of humour. He's as outgoing as...as quiet as the other guy is. He's the easy-going type, warm and I'm comfy around him.
He' liked/loved me since we first saw each other - I'm no hottie btw lol, and we went out for a day a few years ago - broke up because I was more interested in books than him...and now, years later, his feelings are much stronger - up to the point that he can't deal with it. He lets me take the initiative as well - but with him, it feels like that he can back me up if I can't come up with anything. He's putting in so much, in the hope that I'll accept him. Still, I feel shy around him - I think he's a bit above me. There're mild arguments about family, religion etc. His feelings for me are just overwhelming - I've seriously been knocked out by it - I'd never known about the loving side of him. His family's keen to get to know me, even though I can't date yet. He's adorable, he's cute and much more responsive.
The PROBLEM:
In a nutshell, I don't know who to choose. I don't want to let go on either of them. For the first guy - it'll seem as if I'm too negative, I've already been negative with him enough - I don't want to give up on the fight that we have to face together - family, cultural etc. He's not the warmest guy but he's the faithful type and "refuses" to lose hope, when there're only small problems to deal with. There's a bit of compromise there. For the second guy - well, he's afraid that I'm leading him on when I told him that I'm down 'cos I won't be seeing my bf for several months. He needs to know - he's losing patience in a way - and hence this is the reason why I'm posting this.
I'll tell more - if there's anything else that anyone needs to know to help me.
Thanks so much.
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