What would you do? (1 Viewer)

[Mc_Meaney]

who really gives a crap what your mum thinx? your 20 for gods sake.

 

[jhakka]

A twenty year old who is supported financially by her parents. Oddly enough, some people don't like to bite the hand that feeds.

 

[Serius]

from now on take baby steps, and you should be indepedant in no time. Now that you have your mum onside it should be heaps easier to convince your dad itel let you do things in other parts of your life aswell

 

[ujuphleg]

Bubzie darling, sorry for bumping old threads.

But just thought I should let all you wonderful people who took the time out to reply - I told Dad yesterday and he was surprisingly calm about it. He isn't stopping me from going and although he made is clear that he isn't thrilled, but recognised that I am certainly old enough to make my own decisions.

Besides, when they were 18 or so they both went on what they call "bungalow stays" albeit without a bf/gf but a group of teenagers in a house up the tallest hill on the island nonetheless!

They don't know that I'm sharing a room, but what counts is that at least I can show off holiday pics without fretting. They just want me to act "appropriately" (ie. no sexytime) but really, what they don' tknow can't hurt them too much.

Thanks again to all of you who took the time out to reply. It was much appreciated.

 

[Cykologi_gal]

I can so relate to you!!! Most of my rebel actions during adolescence have been "hidden deeds" - as in, not telling them, but not going to defy their wishes either. I choose what suits me the best, what sounds right to me - and of course, I've always been safe and sound - a good girl but with a desperate need for freedom.

I chose not to tell them - but sooner or later you're going to have to sit down with your parents and discuss your differences in your values and beliefs. My parents are control freaks - I have to sound really girly when I'm on the phone with a guy so they'd think it's a girl; when I go out and stuff - I usually don't tell them - like I go out at times when they go out during the day.

If you tell them - it's like trying to fatten someone up in a day - you'd be trying to make them accept two things at once - they've already accepted one, which is to let you go on this trip - so that's the main meal already. Wait awhile before you serve them the dessert - telling them about your boyfriend and your beliefs and values.

Don't even tell them about bringing him on this trip until you've discussed your beliefs with them, and that's after you go on the trip. Like everyone else said - you're almost 20 - you have the right to choose - it's your body and your autonomy.

Yes - do this in steps.

Goodluck! All the best and enjoy the trip (Though I do hope that you'd save your virginity - wouldn't you like your white dress to mean something?!)

 

[nwatts]

Hey susan, browsed through the thread, good to see your folks pulled through.

Let me ask though, do your parents have zero respect for your own capacity to make decisions? If you chose to engage in sexytimes with this bloke then can't they realise that's a decision you've made, that just so happens to be something ideologically different between you all? I just don't really understand parents. (And i mean no disrespect i'm sure they're as cool as cats).

 

[ogmzergrush]

Let me ask though, do your parents have zero respect for your own capacity to make decisions? If you chose to engage in sexytimes with this bloke then can't they realise that's a decision you've made, that just so happens to be something ideologically different between you all? I just don't really understand parents. (And i mean no disrespect i'm sure they're as cool as cats).

Is it really that much of a stretch?

I don't really think "Well kiddo, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree, do whatever you want, even if it's not something that I personally agree with. You see, I'm remarkably detatched from the parenting role I happen to have, and as such I'm fully capable of making decisions on issues like this without letting emotions, my protective instincts, or any of that stuff get in the way. Go get it on kiddo, high fives all around", is something that you're likely to hear out of *most* parents. Of course there are parents who will say that, but I don't imagine that it's indicative of the way it generally goes.

I have a sneaking suspicion that most parents grow a little too attached to their kids after 20 or so years of raising them. Too attached in that they can't just go "Well, ok, I've been looking out for you long enough, go bump uglies for all you're worth, my work here is done". Frankly I can't blame them, I won't even pretend that I'd be any different. I wouldn't call it a lack of respect though, or a lack of faith in your child being able to make the right decision, it's just what people think is for the best, or do out of habit. Give it time of course, and be able to demonstrate to your parents that your choice *is* the right one, and they'll gradually realise that it's just the way things go, and they'll get used to it.

Edit: With that said, I of course hope it's clear that I don't think this is entirely reasonable on their part, just understandable.

 

[ujuphleg]

Hey susan, browsed through the thread, good to see your folks pulled through.

Let me ask though, do your parents have zero respect for your own capacity to make decisions? If you chose to engage in sexytimes with this bloke then can't they realise that's a decision you've made, that just so happens to be something ideologically different between you all? I just don't really understand parents. (And i mean no disrespect i'm sure they're as cool as cats).

Hi Nick,

I think that up until recently they were intent on keeping me as suppressed as possible. To this day they are still very against many of the ideals that I keep which are ideologically opposed to theirs. For example, I've mentioned before that I will eventually like to live with my boyfriend, and they (being totally against the sex-before-marriage principle) do not approve of this at all.

I have a strong feeling though that, when I was looking for somewhere to move out earlier in the year (and I was going to apartment-mind for a friend, but it fell through) that really shook them. It made them realise that yes, Susan is capable of cooking, she does that for us on a regular basis. She can drive now and does that to a lot of places and hasn't crashed yet. Although she's messy, she can clean. etc. etc. and they realised that if I was going to move out they would have no say over me and that really woke them to me being an adult - not just in the you're 18 now, you're an adult as in you are really an adult.

So, when I asked/told them about this holiday, they have come to the realisation that despite the fact that they want whats best for me and they believe that what I do is not always what they think is the best, these days I am an adult and without all those tools they used in the past to control me - ie, lifts or money that the days of dictating everything in my life are over and that the art of compromise is a wonderful thing.



Having said all that, the topic of sex is still a touchy one. I think their stance on this issue is "not under my roof you won't" because when my 26 year old cousin came up from Melbourne to stay with us, they put him and his girlfriend in seperate rooms.

Go figure! *shrugs*

 

[KeypadSDM]

If your parents aren't willing to accept your independance, then you've got to make them realise it or be forever stuck in their shadow. I'd tell them, and go irrespective of what they say.

What can they do? Lock you in? You're old enough to make your own choices and mistakes.

This thread's way too dense.

It's a shame you're not...

Yeah, that was a fat joke ... sigh.

 

[BlackDragon]

tell them your life is none of their business! because its not! who cares what they think?! you're 20, they can't and shouldn't stop you from doing anything. you have your own freedom!

 

[ElGronko]

tell them your life is none of their business! because its not! who cares what they think?! you're 20, they can't and shouldn't stop you from doing anything. you have your own freedom!

Plz read thread.

kthnx.

 

[the hsc sucks]

So heres the scenario:

I am going on holiday next year with my friends down to the South Coast for a week. After asking my parents for 3 years, they've finally said yes - they didn't let me go in Year 12, or last year, but finally, they've said yes.

I'll be almost 20 (I'll be turning 20 in March of 2007) and they figured that there was no real reason to say no - I'm paying for the whole thing myself, they won't have to pick me up or drop me off anywhere, NOTHING.

However.

My boyfriend will be coming on the trip with us, and they will have an issue with that. My parents (mother, in particular) is staunchly anti-sex before marriage and believes that I'll be the virgin mary until I'm married. Part of the reason they said No in year 12 was that they thought I'd be taking him along (same boyfriend) The fact that he'll be coming on holiday and potentially sleeping in the same bed as me will virtually guarantee that they'll change their mind.

I've been with this boy for 2 and a half years now so its not a situation that will change.


What would you do in my situation, knowing that telling them would lead to a strong possibility of having them say no to letting me go?

ur almost 20!!!!!!!!!! i dont mean to sound harsh but they need to let u do ur own thing. their beliefs r not necessarily urs.

 

[AsyLum]

lol, susan you should really get this closed haha, stragglers ahoy!

 

[chicken1989]

look i don't want to sound mean but aren't you old enough to make your own decisions???!!! if you want to go with him just go... respect your parents opinions but even if your not planning to have sex with him it's your decision if and when you do decide to...

 

[ujuphleg]

lol, susan you should really get this closed haha, stragglers ahoy!

Tell me about it. Not to mention that those making additional comments aren't really that contructive anyway.