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when is it enough? (1 Viewer)

danok

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when is it enough? my good friend is going out with my mate.. his a jerk and has been doing her no good for sometime... well 4 times, 4 times of breakingup and coming back to her.... as friends we tell her to break up... but unfortunately she cant. its her 18th birthday today... from him, no MSG's and no Phone call

whats ur thought?
 

ur_inner_child

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Your friend? Your mate?

If they're both your good friends, don't get involved. Perhaps talk to them both but you don't want to be stuck in the middle.

Also, when friends put themselves in situations like that, it's really hard to get through to them. They may understand your logic, but won't act on it because of how they feel. Gently remind them about how you care about them and what you think is right.

Etc.

There's not much you can really do.
 

Stevo.

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Not your problem. Any intervention will ruin your relationship with both/either of them.
 

jumb

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danok said:
when is it enough? my good friend is going out with my mate.. his a jerk and has been doing her no good for sometime... well 4 times, 4 times of breakingup and coming back to her.... as friends we tell her to break up... but unfortunately she cant. its her 18th birthday today... from him, no MSG's and no Phone call

whats ur thought?
are you only concerned because you like this girl?
 

Pace_T

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jumb said:
are you only concerned because you like this girl?
thats what i was thinking too!

leave them alone u jealous loser!! even if they do break up u wont get a chance with her, u already said she's a "good friend" :D
 

melsc

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I know quiet a few people who pick the wrong guys or just horrible guys and put up with it and no matter what you tell them they don't see it. All you can do is be a good friend and be there if she needs you. You have warned her about it, you have done your duty, she needs to see it herself and until she realises you wont be able to help her. Some people need the bad experience so they can learn from it.
 

tanjin

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If she's still with the guy -- she still likes him. If she forces herself to break up with him now, she'll probably go into a state of depression and then later go back to him, which will then make the situation even worse because she'll be emotionally fragile and he'll take full advantage of it.

Most people at one stage or another realise their mistakes. I'm sure she'll sooner or later realise that he's a dip shit and dump him. Don't intervene because like what some others have said - she will think you're jealous and you might lose her as a friend.
 

Riet

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Enough is enough! I've had it with these motherfucking threads on this motherfucking forum. Everybody strap in, I'm about to open some windows.
 

mr_brightside

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Riet said:
Enough is enough! I've had it with these motherfucking threads on this motherfucking forum. Everybody strap in, I'm about to open some windows.
Strap in? or Strap on?

OHH

*quagmire*
 

hiphophooray123

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melsc said:
I know quiet a few people who pick the wrong guys or just horrible guys and put up with it and no matter what you tell them they don't see it. All you can do is be a good friend and be there if she needs you. You have warned her about it, you have done your duty, she needs to see it herself and until she realises you wont be able to help her. Some people need the bad experience so they can learn from it.

it all depends on the girls perspective

say if i was going out with a weak-minded young girl, i could hit her and drag her around forcefully, i could do near anything i wanted, she wont see it as a negative thing if she see's it as protection. weak girls crave the feelings of warmth, safety, comfortability etc. they do NOT like to go out of their comfort zone, as long as they feel safe with the guy the guy can do whatever he wants, she won't see it as clingy behaviour, she won't see it as insecure behaviour, she won't see it as any kind of flaw whatsoever.

meh, at least thats what my friend tells me, who used to be exactly like that when she was 18-19. her boyfriend used to be so impatient with her, even hitting her sometimes, she kept going back for more because he made her feel safe from her emotions.
 
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Punch the girl in the face. The guy will either:

A) Get all protective and stomp on you, in which case he'll realise how much he actually likes her; or

B) He'll think it's the funniest thing he's seen in weeks, in which case she'll come to see that he just doesn't care.
 

Raaaaaay

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This is very similar to my situation though mines alot more longer and complicated.

Here begins, I liked a girl and she liked me, my friend who I used to talk to about my feelings about her decided to go out with her. I forgave him when he told me as I always value friends > relationships.

Later on in the year she comes to me crying and telling me about how he is abusive towards her (I wont go into specific detail as it will take too long).

I comfort her and tell her that his probably just stressed out as he doesnt act like that normally.

Few months pass and I find that we pretty much stop communication (me and her) for a period over the months, then One day same thing happens she comes to me crying about how he is abusive (at that point I didnt believe her until I saw it myself).

And then few weeks later it continues and she falls into a depression until finally they break up for the first time, at which I took her out to try to cheer her up (which successfully did).

Then later on during that day he finds out that I went out with her that day and my friend wants to get backtogeather again with her promising her it wont happen *Again*.

We (not only me helping her from here on) tell her its best that they stay apart, however they get backtogeather again, what I didnt know at that point was that she liked me and always had. (She had talked about her feelings to my friends and they tried to help her about it)

After they get backtogeather again for the first time i confront my friend about it and he makes me apologise for helping her.

Few weeks after that she has been pretty much given strict rules to live by (for some reason she was scared he would break up with her, and she wasnt allowed to communicate/go out with friends, stay up past 11 etc... by her bf (my friend) We suspect this was so he would try to eliminate any possible way of us helping her.

After a while well the abuse happens and the same breaking up/getting back togeather process goes on for about 4 months, eventually she confesses to me that she had and always liked me and then from there on it gets even more complicated.

She is forced to choose between the both of us, I tell her that whatever her decision is is her decision and I shouldn't have any influence on it, while my friend uses lies to win her over.

We talk and somehow he gets me to apologise for having feelings for her.

And now their still going out and I have nfi or even care anymore with my other friends who were also slightly involved and helped counsel all parties involved not careing at all anymore hopeing that she will eventually realise the truth even after many people have told her what kind of person he is.

edit : also forgot to add we were gona go to formal togeather but she went with him instead and he made me pay for her ticket to go with him.

But even then I forgive him as his only human and we still remain as friends.
 
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Riet

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"After they get backtogeather again for the first time i confront my friend about it and he makes me apologise for helping her."

Lol, he beat you the fuck up, huh?
 
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CarterSara

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Azamakumar

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CarterSara said:
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