Would you ever take back a cheater? (2 Viewers)

[UnIqUe_PrInCeSs]

1. How long I'd been with them.
2. Had they done it before.
3. Was it premeditated.
4. How far did they go.
5. Were there any deep feelings involved.
etc

^what he said

and he has to mean it when he says that he's sorry and that he'll never do it again. like, I have to feel that I can still trust him....

 

[The_highwayman]

All alone, staring on, watching her life go by
When her days are grey and her nights are black
Different shades of mundane and the one eyed furry toy
That lies upon the bed has often heard her cry
And heard her whisper out a name long forgiven, but not forgotten

You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're not forgotten

A bleeding heart torn apart, left on an icy grave
In the room where they once lay, face to face
Nothing could get in their way, but now the memories of the man
Are haunting her days and the craving never fades
She's still dreaming of a man long forgiven, but not forgotten

You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're not forgotten

Still alone, staring on, wishing her life goodbye
As she goes searching for the man long forgiven, but not forgotten

You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're not forgotten
You're not forgotten
No, you're not forgotten
No, no, no, you're not forgotten
You're not forgotten
No, you're not forgotten

 

[Not-That-Bright]

I don't think these are the sort of questions best answered hypothetically, so I really don't know.

 

[Darkening]

yehh..........

 

[jumb]

You just stick with it. I think the main thing is realising that people make mistakes and that the cheater probably feels horrendous about it (if they don't then obviously the relationship is just over).

Eventually you just forgive after awhile.

It kinda grinds my gears how you keep using the word "mistake". I don't see how they can blame a lapse in judgment or say that it was an accident.

 

[Serius]

It kinda grinds my gears how you keep using the word "mistake". I don't see how they can blame a lapse in judgment or say that it was an accident.

yeah what, she tripped? fell? landed on his dick?

ive made a fair few mistakes in my life so far, but very very few of them have been mistakes of judgement. Looking back, i am pretty happy with the judgement calls ive made. If i ever cheated, i would know at the time that it was wrong and so just going against my own judgement would make me immoral.

 

[Darkening]

hurts the cheater more if they really do care but, and youll be able to tell they wont do it again and not only will stay commited but will honor you from now on... remember the other guy probally doesnt ever want to talk to her again.

 

[AlleyCat]

Yeah I should have clarified.

In my books, cheating means sleeping with someone else ie sexual intercourse.

And I would take them back, not because I can easily forgive, but simply because I have taken someone back in this situation and want to know if anyone else thinks they would/that I did the right thing.

Wow, personal I know. But it's killing me at the moment because I am constantly thinking about what other people would do in my situation and whether I am weak because of my decision.

 

[Gilbert1]

No they can go get fucked

 

[Tulipa]

Okay, not the sex part.

I was using the word mistake in the sense that a lot of people who cheat and want to get back with their partner have made a mistake in their judgement. That's what I see it as.

I'm not sure about him randomly sleeping with someone else Ally...

 

[AlleyCat]

But I love him...

That's honestly all I can say. I know it's stupid and if it were a friend of mine asking for advice I'd say dump him because he's not worth it, only... maybe he is worth it. And doesn't it make me a big person if i give him another chance. There's no excuse for it, but he makes me happy and he is really apologetic.

Sarah, if you didn't mean sex, what did you mean? Kissing/fooling around?
*sigh*
Fuck I wish it was just fooling around. Things would be simpler then.

Am I a chump for letting him slink back to me? Is there no-one who has taken back a cheater?

Damn.

 

[Skeeta]

ah, thats tough alley.

I would probably take my b/f back if he randomly hooked up in a club one night (heaven forbid).. But its much ahrder when its sex. The way I see it, is a kiss happens quickly, you dont always have time to THINK about it. It can sort of be over and done with before you've really had the chance to think about what you're doing.

For sex, you have a lot more time. You sort of have to consiously do it. Its much harder for it not to be planned/thought out.


If it was sex, i probably wouldnt take him back. At least not straight away. He'd need to fucking hurt before I'd think about it. Take a bit of a break before you take him back, your emotions will settle etc. Plus this way, you can make him go to the doctor, ask for an STD test (because u never know WHAT that whore had) and all stupid trivial things that might put your mind at rest.

 

[Tulipa]

Fooling around drunkenly is a lot different to sleeping with someone.

Look, if he's ridiculously apologetic and you know that you can make it work and that this will be something you can move past then yeah try to make it work.

I'm not saying straight out dump him, just make sure this is worth it.

 

[grk_styl]

Nope. In my opinion, once a cheater always a cheater. Cheating isn't a MISTAKE. It's not like, "oops I forgot to call you" or "oops I forgot to make you dinner". I don't see it as a mistake, or as something forgiveable just because that person was drunk. I get drunk...but I still know what I'm doing. We all do. Drunkenness is a pathetic excuse.

But that's just my opinion.

In regards to your situation, I don't know how you've taken him back. I personally would never do it. Even if my boyfriend and I had been dating for years and years. But every situation is different, and I'm sure you have your reasons

The way I see it, if you love someone, why do you need that something else? Shouldn't he/she be the only thing on your mind?

It's NEVER just sex. "Oh it was just sex. It won't happen again". And what about next month, when he's horny and you're on your period and CBF having sex?

 

[Tulipa]

Fine.

You know what I'm sick of hearing that "once a cheater, always a cheater". it's not fucking true in every case.

I've done it. Once. Only once and never fucking again. Cause it was a mistake and I learnt my lesson.

I don't care if you crucify me or whatever but again every situation is different and every person is different. If you've never been in the situation, don't give advice.

 

[Not-That-Bright]

I've done it. Once. Only once and never fucking again. Cause it was a mistake and I learnt my lesson.

Before this happened were you less resolute in your desire not to cheat?

 

[Tulipa]

To be honest, before it happened I'd never really thought about it. Sort of like I didn't like it but never thought it was something that would ever involve me.

 

[withoutaface]

I'm much the same, I'd never thought myself capable of it so I didn't actively avoid situations where it could happen nor prepare to stop myself should the opportunity arise. It's a matter of moral steadfastness vs going through the experience, seeing how much you've hurt someone, and by extension yourself, and you know first hand how horrible it is.

Nope. In my opinion, once a cheater always a cheater. Cheating isn't a MISTAKE. It's not like, "oops I forgot to call you" or "oops I forgot to make you dinner". I don't see it as a mistake, or as something forgiveable just because that person was drunk. I get drunk...but I still know what I'm doing. We all do. Drunkenness is a pathetic excuse.

I would've said the same thing six months ago, but it'd lie past the line of "drunk" and into the realm of "totally incoherent and on the brink of passing out". It's not an excuse because one should avoid getting so fucked up in the first place, but there is, I believe, a point at which everyone's decision making skills become severely impaired, which is probably around the same zone as where you lose hours upon hours of memory with either vague or no recollection of what occurred.

 

[Tulipa]

I completely agree with you on the "brink of passing out drunkenness". If you say you know what you're doing then, what about girls who are raped at that intoxication because they can't give consent? They knew what they were doing?

There is a point where it is very difficult to make simple decisions and while that isn't an excuse because you shouldn't have let it happen, it's still not you really doing it on purpose.

 

[AsyLum]

I completely agree with you on the "brink of passing out drunkenness". If you say you know what you're doing then, what about girls who are raped at that intoxication because they can't give consent? They knew what they were doing?

There is a point where it is very difficult to make simple decisions and while that isn't an excuse because you shouldn't have let it happen, it's still not you really doing it on purpose.

Rofl, I think you summed it yourself, consent. By cheating we assume there was some intent and consent was given, rape is a different story. You aren't cheating if you've been raped, and I doubt you'd call it rape otherwise it would've been reported no?

While it may be that there is a point where you cross, there is still consent and perhaps (to go Freudian) something else underlying there. I think thats where they're coming from.