if ur bf/gf was a player (1 Viewer)

[alby]

Honestly, what exactly... makes them stop cheating, if they are a habitual cheater? What is it?

same as what makes you want to settle down with someone? if you can cross off that they're:
- someone you really love (or could see yourself really loving)
- someone you can spend hours with and not think about anyone else
- someone you want to be with for them, not for the hugs/kisses/presents/fucks
then this might be a likely outcome.

i cant see a lot of "habbitual cheaters" completely stopping in 1 split second, but as with anyone, if can you see that your current partner/relationship is worth your time and you want to stay with them for as long as you can, you'll attempt to leave certain 'faults'/habbits behind for this person

 

[Not-That-Bright]

YOU ARE VON DUMBARSESS OF YORK!!!

same as what makes you want to settle down with someone? if you can cross off that they're:
- someone you really love (or could see yourself really loving)
- someone you can spend hours with and not think about anyone else
- someone you want to be with for them, not for the hugs/kisses/presents/fucks
then this might be a likely outcome.

What you're not understanding is that you can have all this, and be with many different people, at least at our age you can (and this border is getting old, you can still be a phat player in ur 40's these days).

i cant see a lot of "habbitual cheaters" completely stopping in 1 split second, but as with anyone, if can you see that your current partner/relationship is worth your time and you want to stay with them for as long as you can, you'll attempt to leave certain 'faults'/habbits behind for this person

Yes, If your current partner gives you a better deal than cheating, than the cheaters will probably not cheat. But how likely is that? The reason most people don't cheat is because they have a strong moral foundation against cheating.

 

[alby]

1) you can get the basics of that from many different people, but what i was trying to explain is the feelings you get and reasons you have that make you want to stay with a certain person for an extended period of time (ie. the difference between a relationship of 5 years and one of 5 days).

2) i didnt say that its likely! i know its not very likely at all, but its still possible (even if the odds are really high).
if the reason most people dont cheat is because of their morals against it, then the decision to stop cheating may have something to do with their morals, not wanting to hurt this person.

 

[ur_inner_child]

i always figured they'd stop "playing" when they realise there are fewer attractive girls in a fuckable age are on the market

 

[Not-That-Bright]

Yes however *shock horror* girls cheat and sleep around quite a bit too.

 

[alby]

really?!

yes we cheat, but so do guys. noone's saying we're necessarily any better than guys in that area, just that it's less common to have female "habbitual cheaters"

 

[OZGIRL86]

Yes however *shock horror* girls cheat and sleep around quite a bit too.

Some girls,not all of us...

 

[lotuschild]

I once fell a bit for a guy who had slept around with a whole lot of girls before we met. He promised me if things were to eventuate with us he would remain faithful and change his ways. Cynical me just laughed him off (although it quite hurt) and now a year later he is in a monogomous relationship of 8 months with a gorgeous girl. Some players do change, but i do think they are very few and far between.

 

[Baiku]

I think perhaps you girls misread guys completely. There are plenty of guys that go around, acting as 'players' as you would term it, but really have no intention of being unfaithful in an exclusive relationship.

You seem to say, "ok he has slept with heaps of girls, there's no way he would be straight with me"...but why? There is certainly more depth to a person than a stereotype such as player/not.

I also don't think past behaviour is indicative of future behaviour, SPECIFICALLY at the age of 17-20 when most people mature significantly, many develop their first 'serious' relationship, and everyone basically redefines themselves.

If you know a 18 year old guy and think he's a player, I'm sorry but I'd be quite surprised... If you find a 30 year old guy that hasn't settled down, sleeps with a different girl every night, sure call him a player. But an 18 year old guy who's slept with less girls than you can count on your digits...that isn't playing.

 

[Not-That-Bright]

If you know a 18 year old guy and think he's a player, I'm sorry but I'd be quite surprised... If you find a 30 year old guy that hasn't settled down, sleeps with a different girl every night, sure call him a player. But an 18 year old guy who's slept with less girls than you can count on your digits...that isn't playing.

Whatever dude, if he's broken 4-5 girls hearts I say he is a player for doing that in such a short period of time. No one wants their heart broken, so even tho in your book he might not be an 'ultra leet playz0r' he is still a guy who ditches women for other women. If i'm dating a girl who is only 18 and has in the space of 2 years broken some guys hearts, cheated on heaps of them etc, it's not that comforting to me to know she's only young and it's not THAT many!


As for women not reading guys right, that may happen sometimes, but I guess that's what you get for acting like a player to pick up chicks.

 

[lotuschild]

I think perhaps you girls misread guys completely. There are plenty of guys that go around, acting as 'players' as you would term it, but really have no intention of being unfaithful in an exclusive relationship.

You seem to say, "ok he has slept with heaps of girls, there's no way he would be straight with me"...but why? There is certainly more depth to a person than a stereotype such as player/not.

I also don't think past behaviour is indicative of future behaviour, SPECIFICALLY at the age of 17-20 when most people mature significantly, many develop their first 'serious' relationship, and everyone basically redefines themselves.

If you know a 18 year old guy and think he's a player, I'm sorry but I'd be quite surprised... If you find a 30 year old guy that hasn't settled down, sleeps with a different girl every night, sure call him a player. But an 18 year old guy who's slept with less girls than you can count on your digits...that isn't playing.

i totally agree, but the guy i was talking about is 23 and slept with 40+ girls. It was a learning experience for me and i probably should have trusted him, but its alot easier to put up guards than leave yourself vaunerable to potential hurt. Really good point though.

 

[repz]

if a guy has cheated once is he deemed a player?

 

[Not-That-Bright]

Well hold old is he? If you're only 18 and have cheated once, like if I was a girl i'd be fairly apprehensive, as I would as a guy with a girl that has cheated on someone once.

However at that point, if you like the person enough, I would say be cautious but be willing to forgive. If I was interested in a girl our age who had cheated twice, I would definately not go out with her.

 

[iambored]

edit

 

[Baiku]

However at that point, if you like the person enough, I would say be cautious but be willing to forgive. If I was interested in a girl our age who had cheated twice, I would definately not go out with her.

I hate bursting bubbles...but what world do you live in? If they've "cheated twice" they're going in the stay-away-from pile? hahahaha

I'd rather be with somebody that made me happy, rather than even thinking about that shit.

How do you even know they've cheated twice? You're getting to know them, in what is becoming a relationship, and either they tell you, or you hear from somebody else, you'd just drop them for that?

Let me just take a wild guess, but if you're in a relationship and you kiss somebody else, you'd term that cheating, right? *sigh*

I don't agree with cheating, I have never cheated, I have never stayed with somebody who has cheated on me, but what somebody does in the past is HISTORY, make your own relationship, define yourselves through each other, together.

 

[ur_inner_child]

goddamn not-that-bright makes too much sense

everyone listen to him.

 

[OZGIRL86]

Let me just take a wild guess, but if you're in a relationship and you kiss somebody else, you'd term that cheating, right? *sigh*

.

I would.. wouldn't you?

 

[ur_inner_child]

kissing's cheating.

its not as serious as sex, if that's what you're aiming at

 

[AlleyCat]

often though, you dont find out until the "fire" has cooled, and by that time you may have already been hurt. i say look out for the too smooth guys with the sacharine-sweet talk.

edit: in my world, kissing isnt cheating. anything beyond kissing and *slight* petting is cheating. its a fine line.

 

[AsyLum]

I hate bursting bubbles...but what world do you live in? If they've "cheated twice" they're going in the stay-away-from pile? hahahaha

So do i, and unfortunately if someone is able to cheat once, theres the temptation and the precedent, you're naive or ignorant to think otherwise.

Let me just take a wild guess, but if you're in a relationship and you kiss somebody else, you'd term that cheating, right? *sigh*

Last time i checked it sure was, it not only betrays the trust of the person, it betrays the feelings, the bond and the physical aspects of the relationship.